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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26889586">Aedificare Vitae</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxiousDragons/pseuds/AnxiousDragons'>AnxiousDragons</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Babies, Break Up, Breaking Up &amp; Making Up, Childbirth, Danarius (Dragon Age) Being an Asshole, Discussion of Abortion, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Past Rape/Non-con, Pregnancy, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Stillbirth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:35:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,186</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26889586</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxiousDragons/pseuds/AnxiousDragons</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"When Danarius is dead and burned, what do you want from life?”</i>
</p><p> </p><p>  <i>Fenris finishes off his wine before he answers. “I hadn’t given it much thought, but a family does sound appealing. I’m not sure if I’d be a good husband and father, but…” he trailed, looking as if he was searching for the right words.</i></p><p>  <i>“It would be nice to have a home.”</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fenris/Female Hawke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Desiderium</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic gets dark. It does have a happy ending, but please be aware of the tags. This fic can be triggering for anyone who has been a victim of sexual violence (particularly rape and sexual cohesion) as well as anyone who has suffered pregnancy or infant loss. </p><p> </p><p>The fic title translates to Build a Life, inspired by the dialogue option when Fenris asks what you do when you stop running.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was late, she and Fenris were drunk and stumbling through Lowtown. Marian enjoyed their walks home from the Hanged Man. She had always been fond of the elf. Bethany - sweet, blighted Bethany - had struggled to understand it, but Marian saw something in him from that first night in the alienage. A kindred spirit, someone who could understand the pains she held close inside. Pains Bethany could never know about. She could see that Fenris understood it, even if it was never spoken aloud until that summer night in Lowtown.</p><p>Fenris stopped and tilted his head. Marian wobbled a little as she turned to him. She was about to ask what was wrong when she heard it too. Distressed noises, someone struggling. A job for Kirkwall’s resident meddler and her broody elf companion, whoever was making the noise. Fenris cocked his head to the left, towards one of the dark passages that cut between the towering apartments of Kirkwall. Marian pulled from her daggers from her belt and began towards the alley. Fenris unsheathed his sword from his back and followed her.</p><p>The street lanterns cast just enough light to make out the two forms. The large one - a templar, Marian could recognize that armor anywhere - had the smaller form pinned against the wall. Even in the dim light, she could tell they didn’t want to be there. Marian felt a pit in her stomach. “Hey, what’s going on here, Ser...?” </p><p>The templar turned, letting just some of the light hit the trapped woman. She looked frozen in place, the front of her dress pulled open. “Ser Rechrd. I’m on templar business, serah. Move along.”</p><p>“She hardly looks like an apostate, so I can’t imagine that it is,” Marian retorted. Marian looked at the woman - girl, she was just a girl.</p><p>“She’s harboring an apostate.” Well, didn’t Marian know this story well?</p><p>“Let me guess, you’ve agreed to overlook that in exchange for...well, we can all see what’s going on here.” Marian said in disgust “I think you should move along, and leave this girl and her family alone. I’d hate to have to make a trip to the gallows and speak to Knight-Captain Cullen.” She hated going to the Gallows, and she liked to avoid templars at all costs, but she’d gladly do it to get a corrupt one thrown in the dungeons. </p><p>The templar was young and fresh-faced, clearly new, and nervous about his position. He pulled back from the girl. Marian motioned him along as he hurried past and held up an obscene hand gesture. The girl was still cowering against the wall and struggling to pull her shirt back together. She flinched when Marian approached. She resheathed her dagger and pulled off her own outer shirt, leaving her in the thin linen she wore underneath. Marian handed it to the girl. “Who’s a mage?” She asked.</p><p>“My brother. He’s just a kid, he can’t go to the circle.” her voice was soft and nearly lost in the night. </p><p>“Kirkwall is a hard place to be an apostate,” Marian said as she pulled her coin purse from her belt. She placed it in the girl’s hands. “Ferelden is better. It’s easy to disappear into the countryside, and should the worst happen their circle is less...draconian. Speak to Varric Tethras at the Hanged Man, he’ll help book passage for you and your brother. Leave as soon as you can.”</p><p>The girl stared down at the purse in her hand. “Thank you, Serah.” </p><p>“No need, just go quickly,” Marian ordered. The girl nodded and ran back down the alley. Marian hoped they made it.</p><p>Fenris was looking grumpy when she turned back to him. “It seems once again you’ve made me the accessory to a mage’s escape.”</p><p>“Even you have to agree that mages and those who help them don’t deserve to be raped,” Marian declared as she sat down on an abandoned crate just in the light. Her heart was racing and she felt like she was going to vomit. She fought down the swelling tears in her eyes.</p><p>“It seemed like an agreed-upon exchange.”</p><p>“Saying yes because you feel you cannot say no is rape, Fenris. I thought you’d understand that.” Her voice is harsh. The tears were spilling over now. “How many slaves must you have met that said yes because it would happen regardless and they wanted to minimize the harm? How many times did <em>you </em>say yes to something because you knew saying no was a useless endeavor?  Here in the south, you have more in common with mages and those who love them than you’d like to admit.”</p><p>She expected him to return her harsh words in kind. Instead, he looked unsure. He fidgeted for a moment, before pulling a scrap of fabric that passed for his handkerchief from his side. He held it out to her. She took it and angrily wiped the tears away. He sat beside her on the crate and placed a spikey, gauntlet-clad hand on her back. She isn’t sure he’d ever touched her before this. “Did Bethany know?”</p><p>“Fuck no.” Marian handed him his handkerchief back. “None of them knew. After Father died, it was hard to scrape together the money for the bribes. We’d spent it all on healers and medicine. Then when I finally was able to earn enough, they...like the new arrangement more and I <em> couldn’t </em>let them take Bethany. I know you don’t agree, but you have to understand how far people will go to protect those they love.” The last part was a plea. She didn’t want to fight with him. She wanted him to <em>understand </em>her like she wanted to understand him. </p><p>“I understand.” He kept his hand on her back, his thumb rubbing a small, comforting circle. </p><p>
  <strike>
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      <b>***</b>
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</p><p>Marian loved Satinalia. She loved the festival, she loved the food, and she <em>loved </em>the pure joy of the small ones running around with their masks and sticky hands. She had used her fortune this year to buy up every sweet in Kirkwall. She was set up outside the Hanged Man with her table of treats and handing them out to every child who walked past as she listened to the sounds of revelry surrounding her. </p><p>“Will you not join everyone inside?” Fenris was in the doorway of the tavern, leaned against the aging wood.</p><p>“I can get drunk in the Hanged Man any night. This is my favorite part of Satinalia,” she said. “Sit with me.” She slid over on her bench to make room for him.</p><p>“Supplying sweets to children is your favorite part?” Fenris asked with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>“Nothing brings a child more joy than getting to wear a costume and eat as many sweets as they can stomach. I like seeing happy children. Is that so odd?” A group of little elves came running up. The tallest of them began to dig out coins but she waved them off. “It’s free. Take whatever looks good and spend your coin on one of the games.” </p><p>One of the little ones raised her mask, revealing the little girl she’d saved years before. “Thank you, Serah Hawke!” Lia said excitedly as she and her cohorts took their treats.</p><p>“Enjoy the night. And if any of you need help, you know where I am.” The children nodded and ran off with their treats in hand. Several more groups of children came and went before Fenris spoke again.</p><p>“You’re good with children.”</p><p>“Kids are easy. Just don’t treat them like they’re stupid.” Marian declared.</p><p>“Why don’t you have any?” The question hurt.</p><p>It’s probably the ale that has her say what she does next, but she knows even drunk she’d only share it with Fenris. “I was pregnant once, before I joined Ferelden’s army.” </p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“I couldn’t afford a child. I could barely afford the potion that ended the pregnancy.” It felt good to say it aloud, just like it had felt good to acknowledge what the templars in Lothering had done to her aloud. “I wanted it. Even though it was some templar’s bastard, I wanted it so badly but what kind of life would it have had?”</p><p>Fenris placed his hand over hers. He didn’t hold or squeeze it, he just left the comforting weight on top of hers. He didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything for him to say. Instead, he stayed with her until the treats had all been handed out. When it was done, he walked her back to her manor and spent the rest of the night emptying the wine cellar with her. </p><p>
  <strike>
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      <b>***</b>
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</p><p>The first time they kiss is an early spring night. They’d spent all week dealing with the Qunari and Javaris, only to have to fight off what felt like half an army in a cloud of poison. After two days of Anders mandated rest, Varric had let them all get wasted on his tab at the Hanged Man. Unfortunately, Isabela had gotten a touch too rowdy and gotten most of them booted from the tavern. After making sure she was safely settled on Merrill’s floor, Fenris and she had started their regular walk back to Hightown together.</p><p>“The Viscount sent me a case of Starkhaven wine as thanks for this week, do you want to try some?” Marian asked as she fumbled with her key. </p><p>“I don’t believe I’ve ever said no to wine, Hawke.” Marian giggled as she drunkenly pushed open the door. Her mabari, Fireball, perked up but curled back to sleep when she saw it was just her. </p><p>“You can call me Marian, you know?” she said. She wanted him to. She wanted that level of intimacy with him. She thinks she’d like the way her name sounded from his lips.</p><p>“Marian doesn’t suit you.” </p><p>“That’s something you’ll have to take up with mother.” She smiled at him. “I think Marian is a better fit than Bethany would have been.”</p><p>“How is Bethany?” Fenris asked as he fell back on her couch.</p><p>“Miserable.” She sighed as she grabbed the decanter off the table. There was some missing. Mother must have had some with her dinner. She grabbed two glasses and poured them. “She hates the Wardens. She hates me.”</p><p>“She doesn’t hate you.” Fenris took one of the glasses from her. Marian grabbed one of the dining chairs and turned it around so she could sit and face him. She took a long gulp of her wine.</p><p>“She blames me. Mother blames me.” </p><p>“Bethany made her choice to go into the deep roads.”</p><p>“I know she wanted to go, but I keep thinking I should have brought you or Isabela instead.” </p><p>“You cannot change the past.”</p><p>“Fenris, I don’t think you’re the person to tell me not to dwell on the past.” She pointed out. Fenris shrugged and finished off his first glass of wine. She grabbed the decanter and refilled both their cups to the brim. "At least mother seems to have started moving on. She keeps speaking about finding a husband for me." Her disdain for the idea colored her words.</p><p>"Is that not something you want? A partner? Children?" Fenris asked. </p><p>"I can have children without a husband." Marian declared. "Of course, mother would be scandalized to hear me say that. Sure, she ran off with a Ferelden apostate but at least they married."</p><p>"Was your mother not already pregnant with you when they ran off?" That was something Marian doesn't think she's supposed to know, but it's certainly what the ghosts of her father seemed to imply in that Warden Prison.</p><p>"I don't think mother would like that either of us knowing that," she smiled at him. "What about you? Would you want those things?"</p><p>Fenris masked his pause with a swallow of wine. "Any child I father while Danarius lives would be considered his property. I cannot risk…" he trailed off. </p><p>“What about when we kill Danarius?” </p><p>“We?”</p><p>“You know when the time comes, I’ll be there to help you.” Fenris’ lips turned upwards just slightly, barely noticeable in the light from the fireplace. “You’re avoiding the question though. When Danarius is dead and burned, what do you want from life?”</p><p>Fenris finishes off his wine before he answers. “I hadn’t given it much thought, but a family does sound appealing. I’m not sure if I’d be a good husband and father, but…” he trailed, looking as if he was searching for the right words.</p><p>“It would be nice to have a home.” Marian supplied.</p><p>“Yes.” He was staring at her, the empty wine glass held loosely in his hand. She set her own glass aside and met his gaze. She wanted to kiss him, and she didn’t have the best impulse control sober let alone right now. She leaned across the space between them and pressed her lips to his. It was nothing torrid, nothing hot and sensual. Just a gentle brush of her lips against his. His hand came up to cup her face as she pulled away and kept her face close. His eyes took up most of her vision, his breath hot against her chin. They sat like that for a few moments with just their breathing and the crackling fire to break the silence, then he leaned back in and kissed her again. </p><p>If this were one of Isabela’s novels, they’d have torn their clothes off and had each other right there on her dining room table. Marian had thought about sex with Fenris before. <em> Fantasized </em>about it. She’d never been with someone, not willingly and enthusiastically but <em> Andraste’s tits </em>she would be more than willing and enthusiastic with him. But tonight was not the night. Tonight there would just be chaste, wine-flavored kisses.</p><p>
  <strike>
    <span class="u">
      <b>***</b>
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</p><p>The night comes a little over a month later. They’d killed all the slavers and bounty hunters and that <em>vile </em>woman Hadriana. She deserved a slower, more painful death than Fenris had given her. She had wanted to comfort him after, she had wanted to hold him close and never let anyone hurt him again but he had pushed her aside. She hadn’t seen him since. She’d gone to his manor, and the Hanged Man, and wandered Hightown and Lowtown looking for him. She’d given up hours after dark and returned home.</p><p>Orana, her new servant, had already found her way to the manor by the time she came home. Her mother had gotten her settled in a room and with some fresh clothes. Hawke hoped she liked having the girl around. She worried about her mother being lonely with how often she was gone. After checking that Orana was settled she went downstairs to drink.</p><p>Bodahn had already gone to sleep for the evening and she was a bottle in when she heard the knocking on her front door. She nearly ran to the door, barely remembering to check the peephole as she threw it open. She felt so relieved to see Fenris standing there. She stepped aside and let him into the foyer. </p><p>“I’ve been thinking about what happened with Hadriana.” She can’t imagine he’s been able to think about much else. “I took my anger out on you, undeservedly so. I was...not myself. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I’m just happy to see you. I had no idea where you went. I was concerned,” she said.</p><p>He couldn’t meet her eyes. “I needed to be alone.” He began to pace the room as he continued. “When I was still a slave, Hadriana was a torment. She would ridicule me, deny my meals, hound my sleep. Because of her status, I was powerless to respond and she knew it. The thought of her slipping out of my grasp now… I couldn’t let her go. I <em> wanted </em> to, but I couldn’t.” Marian wanted to bring Hadriana back just to inflict a modicum of the same torment on her. </p><p>“She deserved it.” Marian declared darkly. </p><p>“This hate...I thought I had gotten away from it.” Fenris finally met her gaze. “But it dogs me wherever I go. To feel it again, to know it was they who planted it inside me…it was too much to bear.” Marian nodded. She wanted to say something to comfort him, but she couldn’t. In truth he was bigger than she was. Marian held her hatred of the templars close to her heart. It reminds her that even if they smile and call her <em>serah </em>now, it’s because she has enough power to harm them. It reminded her of what they did to countless across Thedas. It kept her up some nights seething about the injustice of it all when it would be healthier for her if she could stop. “I didn’t come to burden you further.” </p><p>His voice and him turning to leave drew her back to the present. “You don’t need to leave, Fenris.” She reached out to grab his arm. He flinched, his markings glowing bright blue as he pushed her against the wall. The sudden motion shocked her for a moment, and it seemed to shock him too. He let go and started to step away, but she couldn’t let him run off again. She wanted him to stay here with her, she didn’t want him to suffer alone.</p><p>She grabbed his arms and pulled him back to her, smashing their lips together. She waited a moment to make sure he kissed back, before flipping them and pushing him against the wall. His hands came to her waist to pull her closer, one sharp gauntlet-clad hand gripping at her ass. It hurt a little, but she didn’t care. She wanted him to touch her, to hold her close and take the comfort she was offering.</p><p>She pressed herself closer to him. He bit her lip and coaxed her to deepen the kiss. She gladly opened her mouth to him as her hands tangled in his hair. It was so soft, like silk between her fingers. She felt her need growing and pooling between her legs as his hands explored her body. The one that had been on her waist slipped under her tunic. The combination of his cold armor and warm fingers against her skin sent waves of goose flesh across her skin. She pulled back with a gasp for air. <em> Andraste </em> why did she need to breathe?</p><p>He was catching his breath as well, green eyes blown wide with lust. She had so often seen that look on other men and knew she was nothing but a toy for their satisfaction. Fenris wasn’t like all the others before and seeing him <em>want </em>her just further ignited her own lust. “We should go to my room.” He nodded, his hands lingering on her as she pulled away to lead him upstairs.</p><p>She shut the door quietly behind them. She was a grown woman, but she didn’t want her mother to see her bringing Fenris into her room. She knew her mother liked him well enough, but she wasn’t sure how she’d react to Marian having sex with an elf. There hadn’t been many in Lothering. It didn’t matter. She loved Fenris. She had for months now, even if the words just came to her at this moment.</p><p>“Marian.” She loved the way her name sounded from him. She turned to him. He was standing by her bed, nervously fiddling with the straps on her gauntlets. She crossed the room and took one of his hands in hers to undo the buckles. “Have you ever been with a man?” The <em>other than your rapists </em>was left unsaid, hanging between them.</p><p>“No.” She gave him a gentle smile as she laid the gauntlet aside and started on the other one. “I want you to be the first.” <em> I want you to be the only one</em>.</p><p>He looked taken aback for a moment before he cupped her cheek with his free hand. “I want you to be the first as well.” His words were quiet, almost drowned out by the sound of metal buckles and the fire. He kissed her again as she laid his second gauntlet aside. His hands slipped between them to make quick work of her belt. It clanked on the floor and her skirt fell to join it. </p><p>Marian pulled back from the kiss to pull off her top, so she was standing there in just her small clothes. She reached behind herself to undo her breast band. It joined her other garments on the floor. Fenris’ breath hitched as he looked her over. “You’re beautiful.” He’d said it before, but never with such reverence as he did now.</p><p>“Thank you.” She moved closer to him to help remove his armor. It took a bit longer than her clothes, but between the two of them, it was quickly added to the pile on the floor. She could see his cock straining at his small clothes. She took his hand, and led him to her bed, pulling him down on top of her. Her breath hitched at feeling his weight on her, partially from excitement and partially because of a small part of her panicked at having a man on top of her. She pushed it down. She wanted Fenris and those bastards weren’t going to ruin this for her. They were darkspawn food now, and she was alive and with a man she loved.</p><p>He pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead. Such tender affection felt so intimate, so much more intimate than having him naked in her bed. He placed his next kiss on her nose, then each of the apples of her cheeks before capturing her lips again. It was tender and gentle at first, but it quickly grew needy. She arched up against him and ground her hips against his cock. He moaned against her lips. He moved to kiss her neck. He gave a gentle bit, then soothed the area with more kisses as he worked his way down to her breasts. </p><p>She let out a soft sigh as he took one of her nipples in his mouth. He teased it, nipping and swirling his tongue around it as he used his hand to gently pinch and tease her other nipple. She pressed up into his touch. He pulled his hand away and began to kiss back up her neck. His now free hand moved down between them and slipped between her legs. She bit her lip as he ran one finger along her entrance.</p><p>“It seems you’re very eager,” he growled in her ear as he pressed his finger into her. He bent it inside of her, hitting something inside of her that made her moan. He added another finger, working them in and out as his thumb came up to brush her clit.</p><p>“Oh maker,” she gasped as she bucked her hips against his hands. He pulled away from her neck and watched her as he pushed a third finger into her. She could feel something building inside of her, and it only took a few more moments for him to push her over the edge. She arched back against the pillow, biting her lip to keep her cries of pleasure quiet. Fenris never looked away, watching intently as she came undone on his fingers.</p><p>He carefully pulled her fingers from her. He pulled back and she let out a whimper that was frankly <em>embarrassing </em>as the cold air hit her. He quickly removed his own small clothes, freeing his cock from its prison. She reached out to touch it but he caught her wrists. He held them over her head as he moved back between her legs. His other hand was a heavyweight on her wrist. She didn’t like it.</p><p>“Could you let my hands go?” she asked. She worried he would snap at her for the request, but he doesn’t. He just lets her go and pressed another kiss to her head.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” </p><p>“It’s okay, you’re good,” she murmured. She kissed him as he wrapped her legs around his waist. His cock probed her entrance. He pushed into her, almost painfully slow until <em>finally, </em>he was fully inside of her. She felt full and stretched and <em>good. </em> He felt like a perfect fit.</p><p>He met her eyes as he carefully began to move. He started with slow, short thrusts and worked up his speed until she was gasping his name. The sheets pulled tight under her as he clenched his fists in them. She grabbed his face and pulled him down to kiss her. He let out a sharp breath against her lips. One of his hands came to her hair and tangled in it. His thrusts were growing erratic, his breath haggard into their kiss. He breaks the kiss and buries his face in her neck as he pushed in to the hilt and came.</p><p>She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close as they caught their breath. He pulled out of her after a few moments and collapsed beside her. She closed her eyes and happily dozed off in the afterglow.</p><p>It’s sometime in the middle of the night when she awakens. She looks over to where he’d been, only to find the spot empty. It only takes Marian a moment to find him, fully clothed by her fire. She swallowed nervously. “Was it that bad?”</p><p>He turned to her. “I’m sorry. It’s not...it was fine.” She furrowed her brow. <em> Fine </em>is not how she would describe it and it hurt to hear him do so. He continued on, not able to meet her eyes as he spoke. “No, that’s insufficient. It was better than anything I could have dreamed.”</p><p>She smiled softly at him. “I can come up with much crazier things in my dreams.” She pushed herself up to sit on the edge of the bed as he continued to nervously pace in front of the fireplace.</p><p>“I began to remember. My life before. Just flashes…” He sounded panicked as he spoke. Marian isn’t sure she’s ever heard him panicked. Angry, frantic for a fight, but never <em>panicked</em>. “It’s too much. This is too fast. I cannot...do this.”</p><p>Marian felt like her heart had fallen into her stomach. “Your life before? What do you mean?”</p><p>Fenris nervously cupped his forehead. “I’ve never remembered anything from before the ritual. But there were...faces. Words. For just a moment I could recall it all. And then it slipped away.”</p><p>“If it brings your memory back, maybe we need to do it more often?” she suggested, hoping to talk him off the ledge they were approaching. Fenris just looked downtrodden.</p><p>“Perhaps you don’t realize how upsetting this is,” he sighed as he turned away from her. “I’ve never remembered anything, and to have it all come back in a rush, only to lose it...I can’t. I can’t.” </p><p>“We can work through this Fenris.” She didn’t need sex. She could be happy with just him, just his kisses and his presence in her life. “I care about you.”</p><p>“I’m sorry. I feel like such a fool,” he said with a defeated shrug of his shoulders. “All I wanted was to be happy....just for a little while. Forgive me.”</p><p>And then he left her, alone and naked in her bed. </p><p>
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    </strike>
  </span>
</p><p>He avoided her for nearly a week. Marian tried. She came to his house, but he wouldn’t open up. He had managed to avoid her at the Hanged Man, in the market, all over Kirkwall she was just missing him. She didn’t want to plead with him to change his mind. She understood if he couldn’t have a romantic relationship with her, she truly did. She just couldn’t stand the idea of losing him completely. He was one of her closest, dearest friends. She told him things she couldn’t even tell Varric or Merrill. She couldn’t imagine her life without him in it in some capacity.</p><p>She finally decided to plant herself in front of his door and refused to move. He would have to acknowledge her eventually. She sat there for hours in the hot Kirkwall sun, but she refused to leave. Finally, as the sun was sinking below the buildings of Hightown, Fenris threw open his front door. She smiled at him as she stood from her seat.</p><p>“Hawke-” So they were back to <em> Hawke</em>.</p><p>She cut him off. “No, Fenris, I’m going to talk first.” He sighed but didn’t stop her. “I understand if you don’t want to be with me if you <em> can’t </em> be with me, but we can forget it ever happened. I’d rather have you as my friend than not have you in my life at all.”</p><p>Fenris is quiet as he weighed her words. “It’s not fair to you.”</p><p>“I’m the arbiter of what’s fair to me, Fenris,”  she declared. “Please.” She wanted to touch him, to hold his hand and hold him and never let him go, but she held herself back.</p><p>“I have missed you this past week,” he finally confessed.</p><p>“I’ve missed you too.” She smiled at him. “So let’s just go get some drinks at the Hanged Man and forget we ever…” He nodded and closed his door behind him.</p><p>
  <strike>
    <span class="u">
      <b>***</b>
    </span>
  </strike>
</p><p>Her mother was dead. </p><p>The thought felt surreal. Marian wouldn’t believe it if she hadn’t died in her arms. She had moved through her manor like a ghost since her companions had guided her home. Aveline had promised she’d take care of everything, Marian should go be with her Uncle. Not that Gamlen was much comfort. He was as broken and stunned as her when she’d told him. He’d wandered out muttering about arrangements. Marian didn’t tell him Aveline was already ahead of him.</p><p>Orana tried to get her to eat, but it tasted like nothing. She ate enough not to upset the maid, though. She was still sensitive about disapproval from her time as a slave. Still, all Marian really wanted was wine. She grabbed three bottles from the cellar - perhaps a touch ambitious but all she wanted was to be lost in a drunken stupor. She didn’t both with a glass. She just gulped it straight from the bottle, like Fenris. She even threw the empty bottle against the wall like she’d seen him do so much. The crash was cathartic, even if just for a moment.</p><p>She struggled to open the second bottle, tugging and ripping the cork. There were bits of it in the wine when she finally got it out. She didn’t care. She drank this one slower, spitting out some of the larger chunks of cork. A soft knock on her door interrupted her drinking.</p><p>Fenris hadn’t been in her room since that night. It felt right having him here again. She didn’t want him to ever leave. She’d already lost all her family. “I don’t know what to say, but I am here.” </p><p>She didn’t say anything. She motioned for him to sit beside her and offered him her corky wine bottle. He took a swig and handed it back. “I don’t want to be alone.” Her voice cracked as she said it and hot tears swelled in her eyes.</p><p>“Then I will stay.”</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strike>
      <b>***</b>
    </strike>
  </span>
</p><p>She awoke with a retch, emptying her stomach of nothing but bile into her chamber pot. She’d been sick since mother had died. She wasn’t eating enough, she was drinking too much. Her monthly courses had stopped. It was all the stress, between her grief and the rising tensions in the city. She wished she had never taken that “job” from Javaris all those years ago, never became involved with all this Qunari nonsense.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Amatus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Marian was amazed at how much blood she had. It stained her armor, it dripped down her face from a head wound and down her chest from a deep gash in her shoulder. She had some kind of leg injury, she could feel the thick wetness on her thighs. Everything around her felt like a distant blur. Fenris and Isabela were panicking. Merrill was healing her. Where was Anders?</p>
<p>Oh yes. Aveline had to go get him. He hadn’t been with them.</p>
<p>“She’s stable enough to move to the bed. It’ll be easier to treat her there.” Marian felt a small swell of pride at how calm Merrill was. It must be all that keeper training she’d been given. Merrill was more competent than anyone gave her credit for.</p>
<p>She remembered being moved to her bed in flashes. Fenris didn’t let go of her hand, clutching it so tightly it made her forget the other pains around her body. “Please, please don’t die.” He pleaded with her quietly, desperately. She couldn’t form the words to reassure him, but she gave him a small smile. She wasn’t going to die from the Arishok. </p>
<p>Anders arrived and forced everyone from the room except Merrill. It’s when that happens that it dawns on Marian that she might actually be dying if she needed <em>two </em>healers.</p>
<p>She faded in and out of their treatment. Anders kept trying to ask her questions. “When did it happen?” Silly Anders, he knew when it happened. When the fucking Arishok declared war on Kirkwall. He gave up after a few attempts and focused on healing her wounds. She heard him say something to Merrill about getting <em>him</em>. It took her a few moments to realize <em>him </em>was Fenris. </p>
<p>“It’s dying, Fenris.” Anders had never spoken to him so gently, though it was <em>very </em>rude to call her it.</p>
<p>“Can you save it?” Now Fenris was too?</p>
<p>“No, there’s too much bleeding. I need to know how far along it is...to make sure the process goes as it should.” Anders looked sadly at the elf. Marian tried to reach for him. She wanted to die with his hand in hers, at least.</p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span class="u">
      <b>***</b>
    </span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p>Marian was surprised to wake up. She remembered being so sure she was dying as she slipped into darkness. Anders had seemed so sure from the snippets of pain addled memory she had left. Fenris was at her bedside, hunched over on her bed asleep with her hand in his. She tried to reach over with her free hand to touch his hair but shouted pain from the bandage shoulder injury.</p>
<p>Fenris’ head shot up. “Marian.” He said her name the way others said Andraste’s. He pulled the hand he’d been holding to his lips. </p>
<p>“Hey,” she smiled gently at him. “I didn’t die.”</p>
<p>He nodded, though sadder than she thinks the situation warranted. “I’m so sorry, Marian.” his voice cracked as he murmured it against her hand.</p>
<p>“What do you have to be sorry for?” she asked. “The Qunari are the ones who invaded.”</p>
<p>“I arranged the duel.”</p>
<p>“And saved us from fighting an entire Qunari horde. Now that definitely would have killed me,” Marian assured. “And you, and everyone else in Kirkwall who didn’t submit.”</p>
<p>Fenris can’t meet her eyes. “Did you know?” his voice was quiet.</p>
<p>“That the Qunari would invade? I mean I could have <em> guessed</em>, but-”</p>
<p>Fenris shook his head. “You were pregnant. Are pregnant, but… the mage says it will pass soon. The child is already…” It felt as if he had reached into her chest and ripped her heart out. Shit, that would have hurt less. The bits of conversation she’d heard, Anders’ questions, they all came back and made terrible, terrible sense to her now.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know,” her voice cracked. Her free hand came to her stomach. A small swell, nothing that had even crossed her mind before as more than a little too much ale. Maker, if she had just paid attention. “It’s dead? An...Anders is sure?” </p>
<p>Fenris nodded. “He stopped the hemorrhaging, but he said your body would...do the rest on its own.” He kissed her hand again. “I’m sorry, Marian. I’m so sorry.” </p>
<p>Marian wished for a moment that they had let her die too. “How...how long until it’s…” she didn’t know what to say. Part of her wanted the baby out of her right now, but another part of her wanted to keep it safe inside her for as long as possible.</p>
<p>“It could take up to a week.” Fenris finally let go of her hand. He hesitated for a moment before laying his hand on top of the one on her stomach. She counted back the months since their time together. She should have been feeling the first little flutters of its movement soon, but it would never move again. </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <strike>
      <b>***</b>
    </strike>
  </span>
</p>
<p>Fenris did not leave her side. He held her while Orana changed the bloody sheets, rubbed her back through the cramps, and contractions as her body slowly rejected their dead child. Anders and Merrill lingered around her mansion, providing pain potions and helping her through the last, final parts. Merrill had been the one to explain to her that she would go through the whole process, that she would labor only to finally give birth to a small, unbreathing child. Anders had kept saying it had been too early to call it a child since she hadn’t quickened, but it was clear that was an attempt to soften the blow. </p>
<p>Her baby was the size of her hand, tiny and big-headed and with just the touch of a point to her tiny little ears. Merrill had carefully wrapped her in a small, clean rag and handed her to her. Marian held her like the most delicate gem, cradled close to her chest for protection. She barely notices the two mages leave, she wants to memorize every detail of her poor, short-lived daughter.</p>
<p>Fenris carefully moved from his chair by the bed to sit with her on it. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him as he stared down at their babe. “She needs a name.” Marian’s proud she’s able to even get the words out.</p>
<p>“Amatia.” She finally broke her eyes away from their child to look at him. He was crying. She’d never seen him cry before. </p>
<p>“What does it mean?” </p>
<p>“Beloved.” </p>
<p>She nodded, a small watery smile pulling at her lips. “Amatia.”</p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <strike>
      <b>***</b>
    </strike>
  </span>
</p>
<p>The Chantry doesn’t allow funerals for stillborn babies, even if that babe died so all of Kirkwall could be free. </p>
<p>They bury their Amatia in Marian’s private courtyard, in a corner surrounded by flowers that Mother had carefully tended. They do it alone, with no friends or servants. Fenris digs the hole while Marian carefully nestles her in a decorative, metal box. It was meant to be a jewelry box, with a soft velvet lining, but she had emptied it of all the necklaces and rings for her precious little one. She hoped it was comfortable and warm. She kept worrying about her being cold, no matter how irrational it was. If she were still safe inside Marian’s womb, she’d be warm. </p>
<p>Fenris took the jewelry-box-turned-coffin from her and carefully lowered it into the grave. She hears him muttering something in Tevene, but all she can make out is their child’s name. Their beloved. She moves to kneel beside him. It hurt. She was still recovering from her battle with the Arishok and the cruel, pointless labor. She didn’t mind. At least it meant she felt something.</p>
<p>They bury her by hand, the shovel left long abandoned on the cobbled stone, and mark her grave with some rocks. A proper, tiny marble tombstone comes a few days later courtesy of Varric. <em> Amatia Hawke </em>is engraved on the front.</p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span class="u">
      <b>***</b>
    </span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p>They call her the Champion of Kirkwall. She hates the title. She hates knowing what it cost her. She hates leaving her home and being stopped with thanks and congratulations. What was there to congratulate? Her baby was dead, and that was all she’d wanted. But none of the people who accosted her on the street knew that. No one outside her inner circle knew about her poor little Amatia, buried in her dead grandmother’s flower garden. She had never been much of a believer in the Maker, but if there was one she hoped her parents were holding their grandchild close at his side. She hoped Carver would cheer her up when she's sad. She hoped they were all together, unlike her and Bethany who were both all alone now.</p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span class="u">
      <strong>***</strong>
    </span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The weeks stretch to months. The physical scars of her ordeal heal quickly. Anders gives her the all-clear about a month after the Arishok is defeated. He tells her to avoid sex for a little while longer, though. It’s a pointless warning. Fenris had made it clear before he couldn’t lay with her again and she felt no desire for it either. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris doesn’t leave her side still. He sits with her as she stares at nothing on her sofa, and he holds her when she cries at night. There were many nights where she felt his tears wetting her hair as he soothed her. She never has to ask if he would have wanted their sweet girl, had they found out sooner. He doesn’t say it, doesn’t lament how </span>
  <em>
    <span>badly</span>
  </em>
  <span> he wanted her like Marian does some nights. Still, it’s obvious the only thing keeping him together is keeping her together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, she started to feel less like a walking corpse. She starts to leave her manor more. She goes to the market, she visits the Hanged Man, she even goes to the Chantry to light a candle for her lost family.  She goes on an adventure with an elf named Tallis. She had almost been able to pretend she was her normal self then, far away from the reminders of what had happened. She still feels numb, but she jokes and smiles and nearly fools Varric and Merrill that all is well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris fucks her for the second time in their relationship against a tree on their way back, drunk off Orlaisan wine they had stolen from the cellars before leaving. It was quick and dirty and with murmurs in her ear that he'll give her another child. He curled up and cried afterward, and she held him like he had done for her so many nights before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> It doesn’t take. Her blood comes a week later. Neither of them can bring themselves to try again, even with the encouragement of wine. Fenris moves back into his manor, and once again Marian is alone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span class="u">
      <b>***</b>
    </span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Slowly, things return to normal. Marian still cries some nights, but it’s not every night anymore. She goes out again, she spends time playing Wicked Grace and running up Varric’s tab at the Hanged Man. She and Fenris still walk back to Hightown together. Their relationship is in a limbo between what it was before their night together and what it was after Amatia. Sometimes he stays or comes barging into her manor late at night to curl into her bed and at others, he leaves her at the doorstep. She’s scared to ask for clarity about what they have scared it’ll run him off and she’ll lose him for good.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She starts spending time in the alienage when Fenris isn’t around. She invested in it, bought up the apartment buildings that others in Kirkwall were quick to sell off after the destruction the Qunari caused. She lends the elves money and gives her tenants so many breaks on rent it makes Varric look like he may faint. She invests in businesses. Ariana, the Dalish mother of the apostate mage Feynriel, starts a laundry that quickly becomes one of the best in Kirkwall. Another named Gehan opens a blacksmith shop, Luce a butchery, and Drynne a day school for the elven children that Merrill helps at.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Little Lia asks her to teach some classes on swordplay, so she does. She ends up with ten elven children in the open area outside Merrill’s home once a week. They called her </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ghil’lan </span>
  </em>
  <span>- Merrill told her it means teacher -  and brought her gifts and drawings. She keeps the trinkets safely in her office at home. She pulls them out on hard nights when she can’t forget about her own little pointed eared baby.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One of these lessons falls on the first anniversary of Amatia’s birth and death. Fenris comes with her, despite his dislike of the alienage. He helped her with the lessons that night. He smiled wider than she thinks she’d ever seen as the children gathered around him to ask questions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for letting me join you today, Marian.” He said as they walked back to Hightown. Each tavern they pass by tried to draw her in to celebrate her victory over the Qunari a year before. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to come in for some wine?” she asked as they approached her door. She didn’t want to be alone tonight and she didn’t want to burden her employees with her sorrow. He nodded. She has Bodahn bring up a few bottles from the cellar and gives them all the rest of the evening off to join the growing revelry outside. She doesn’t bother with glasses, just uncorking a bottle each and handing one to Fenris. They drink in the courtyard in front of Amatia’s grave. They drink in silence for what feels like hours. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I can’t be what you need. You should find someone better.” He said it quietly as if scared to break their drunken silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She leaned her head against his shoulder. “I don’t think there’s anyone else for me, Fenris.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Diem Horribilis</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was foolish to think they could walk to the Bone Pit just the two of them. She hadn’t even fully armored herself, just leather and two rather basic daggers. It wasn’t a long walk and it had been clear of bandits for weeks. All she needed to do is check that Hubert had kept up with the safety equipment since last she’d inspected it. She could have done it alone but Fenris was around and had nothing else to do that day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Imperial bounty hunters ambush them in a quiet bend in the mountain trail. They do very well at first, even though they were ridiculously outmanned and surrounded. It's Marian that fucked up. She misstepped as she lunged herself at two of them. Her foot snagged and sent her stumbling. She still managed to stab one of them, but she’s caught off guard enough that the other is able to grab her before she can free her blades from the body. She’s unarmed with a dagger to her throat before she could process what’s happened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Slave! Surrender now or I slit her throat.” The bounty hunter pressed the dagger to her throat just enough to cause a shallow cut. Fenris stared at her. She shook her head. He didn’t listen. He dropped his sword. The other bounty hunters descend upon him. He doesn’t fight as they clasped some kind of lyrium chains on him, but she can see the panic in his eyes as they clamp shut.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <strike>
      <b>***</b>
    </strike>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’re dragged to one of the holding caves that dot the wounded coast and thrown into a cage. It was too short for them to stand, only hunch over or crawl. Fenris’ chains are attached to the bars, but Marian is left unbound beyond the bars of their prison. The cut on her neck hurt a bit, but the blood had dried into a scab. Marian quickly looked around their surroundings.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was one guard left behind, only minorly armed. His armor was thick, but his neck was exposed. There were a table and chairs, some miscellaneous ropes and chains, sacks and crates. Daylight streamed in from two high up cutouts. It was hard to gauge from where they are, but they looked just large enough to slip through. She could hear the sound of the ocean coming through them, so it must drop off into the waves. She knew there would be jagged rocks at the base of the cliff, but if they could get up there and jump with enough distance they’d be able to clear them. The waters were rough, but not impossible to swim in. It would probably be their best route of escape if the opportunity arose.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She turned her attention to Fenris now. She crawled across the cage and sat in front of him. “Are you okay?” she asked quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I’m not,” Fenris growled. “He’s here. He has to be behind this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Marian cupped his face gently. He flinched at the touch but didn’t pull away from her. “I’ll get us out of here, Fenris. I promise.” She’d gotten them into this. Fenris had only surrendered because she’d messed up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t make promises you can’t keep, Serah Hawke.” Who she can only assume is Danarius appeared in the aging stone doorway. Fenris tensed in her grasp. She understood why. The magister’s voice sent a chill down her spine.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Danarius, I assume?” she asked. She let go of Fenris’ face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. It’s quite an honor to meet the great Champion of Kirkwall.” He knelt so he was eye level with her and reached through the bars to grab her chin tightly. “You’ve picked a pretty new mistress, my little wolf.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fenris belongs to no one,” Marian growled through gritted teeth. She ripped her face from his grasp and spat in his face. </span>
</p>
<p> <span>Danarius pulled a handkerchief from his robes and wiped away the spit. “So you’re just a whore that spreads her legs for elves?” he stood up straight. “You will be free to go, as soon as your ransom is paid.”</span></p>
<p>
  <span>“Ransom?” Fenris spoke up. Marian could detect a hint of hope in his voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nobles get ransomed. I’ve already sent my demands to Serah Hawke’s home in Hightown,” Danarius said. “It is rather high. I’ve spent quite a lot retrieving you, Fenris, and I’m hoping to recoup some losses.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My people won’t accept your terms unless Fenris is sent home with me.” Marian declared. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You will not like your fate in the Imperium if they don’t.” Danarius’ face split into a sickening grin. “Why don’t I give you a taste of your slave life?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do not touch her!” Fenris pulled at his restraints. The stone at the end of Danarius’ staff glowed. Fenris’ marks lit up and he let out a blood-curdling scream.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop! Stop!” Marian exclaimed. “I’ll do whatever you want, just don’t hurt him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Danarius smiled again. “Remove your armor and small clothes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Marian felt like the bottom of her stomach had fallen out. Her hands shook as she reached up to begin to remove her clothes. She can’t look at Fenris, she can’t look anywhere. Her eyes can barely focus as she stumbled over every tie and button. She heard Fenris grunt. She looked over to see Danarius had gripped his hair and forced his head up to look at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to look away for a moment, Fenris. If you do, I’ll make sure your pretty little whore suffers.” Danarius let go of his hair and unlocked the cage to let Marian crawl out. “I’m sure it goes without saying that if you don’t follow orders, Serah Hawke, he’ll bear your punishment.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to kill you when this is all done,” Marian said as she stood. Danarius snatched her up by her hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll be just as fun to break as our dear Fenris.” He declared as he dragged her over to the table and bent her over it so that she was facing Fenris. He was looking at her, struggling not to look away as the sound of Danarius removing his robes filled his room. He kicked her legs apart roughly and settled between them. She was bone dry when he forced himself into her. It hurt, but she’d rather it hurt. She couldn’t stand the idea of taking an iota of pleasure from this man.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” she mouthed to Fenris. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <strike>
      <b>***</b>
    </strike>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Danarius doesn’t allow her to redress after he raped her. He forced her back into the cage with Fenris and took her clothes. There was blood on her thighs and bruises on her hips from how rough he’d been. Her scalp hurt from where he had pulled at her hair like the reins of a horse. She curled up in the corner opposite Fenris, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. She can’t bring herself to look at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had always promised herself after she joined the army that she wouldn’t let another man force himself on her. She sold her labor, she worked as a smuggler, but she had never had to do that again to protect her family. But Fenris was her family, and she couldn’t abandon him. She couldn’t let Danarius hurt him. She would tolerate whatever torment the magister had for her if it spared him even a little.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Marian,” his voice was soft as he moved as close as his bindings would allow. The chains clanked against the metal. She couldn’t meet his gaze. “I can’t come any closer. I know...I know you don’t want to be touched, but you’re going to freeze like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was right, of course, and she was useless to protect him if she froze to death in some dank ocean cavern. It took everything in her to force herself to unfurl and crawl across the cage. The stone dug into her knees painfully but didn’t break her skin. He followed her lead, letting her curl up to his side on her own and only moving his arm to allow her space. She could feel him hesitate before he wrapped it around her shoulder. He was warm - so warm. She hadn’t realized how quickly the cave had chilled her until now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <strike>
      <b>***</b>
    </strike>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Danarius held them for three days before their escape chance finally came. He had been particularly cruel on the last day. He’d taken her in every hole, leaving her sore and bleeding again. Not even the templar who’d first blackmailed her had made her bleed, but Danarius seemed to take pleasure in making sure it was painful for her. Then he’d made Fenris pleasure her. He said he’d cut out his tongue if she didn’t come, so she had been forced to lay back and make herself enjoy it. She tried to imagine they were in her bed at home, warm and safe, and just a little drunk on wine. It worked just enough to get her there but left her feeling more ashamed and dirty than before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once he’d had his fun, Danarius retired to whatever hole he kept climbing out of. The first two days, two guards had brought their meager ration of bread and cold broth, but their docility must have lulled them into false confidence as only one came. He didn’t seem to think a naked woman and a chained elf could do much.  It was easy to break his neck, really. It was harder to reach the keys and dagger on his belt but she managed that too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She moved quickly. She used the dagger to pry apart where the metal links met the cuffs on Fenris’ chains. It broke on the second cuff, but it worked. They unlocked the door of the cage. The wall up to the escape windows was steep with no footholds and outcropping to crib from.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can’t get up there,” Fenris said. Marian had already moved on to gathering the ropes and chains that littered the cavern floor. She grabbed one of the sacks and started throwing the chains inside them. She tied it shut with the rope. “What are you doing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re going to throw this through the window. The sack will act as a counterweight so we can climb up. Then we jump out into the water and swim. You’ll need to remove your armor.” Marian explained quickly. Her first attempt to throw the sack failed. She was weaker than she’d hoped after their imprisonment. Fenris took it from her after the second failed attempt and managed to make it through the window.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go first, Marian.” He ordered as she forced the rope into her hands. He started to remove his breastplate once she’d taken it. She scaled the wall as quickly as she could. She just fit through the gap, but that meant Fenris should just fit too. There was just enough of a ledge for her to stand. The cold, ocean winds battered her skin with spray and the waves were a roar below. There were fewer rocks at the bottom of the cliff than she had assumed there would be, so that was one thing to their advantage. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris appeared through the hole, now in just his tunic and breeches. She could hear the noise of guards starting to rouse to their escape, but they were too late. She gave Fenris an encouraging smile before she leaped into the waking sea below.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The cold water was a shock to her system, but it felt cleansing to be submerged into the sea after her ordeal. She resurfaced about ten feet from where Fenris’ head bobbed above the waves. She looked around, trying to gauge which direction would bring them to shore the quickest. Kirkwall itself was to the east, and the closer to the city they came ashore the better. She called Fenris but her voice didn’t rise above the waves, so instead, she motioned as best she could for him to follow her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She isn’t sure how long they swam, but her legs ached and her lungs burned when she finally pulled herself onto a rocky beach. She collapsed on the ground, panting and staring up at the sky. It took a few moments for Fenris to claw his way out of the water beside her. She turned to look at him, clothes soaked and hair falling in his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I told you I’d get us out of there.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He couldn’t look at her. Barely acknowledge what she had said. But he did pull his soaking tunic from his body and wrung it out before handing it to her. She pulled it on, grateful to finally have the chance to cover up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span class="u">
      <b>***</b>
    </span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was arguing in her study when they finally stumbled into her manor, still wet and cold. Aveline looked about ready to throttle Varric and Isabela for whatever their transgression was, but it all stopped when they appeared in the doorway. “Hey, no need for whatever you’re plotting.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maker’s tits, Hawke, Fenris!” Varric exclaimed. He moved to hug her but stopped when she flinched. The temperature of the room seemed to drop as each of her companions noticed the reaction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Marian forced a reassuring smile. “Sorry, it’s been a rough few days. But we’re fine! No lasting damage.” Physically, at least. She wanted to scrub her skin off her body.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was obvious none of her friends bought what she was saying, but none of them wanted to call her bluff. Anders is finally the one who speaks as he took a tentative step forward. “Perhaps I should examine you? To be safe.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You will not come near either of us, abomination,” Fenris snarled. Marian would normally argue with him for speaking to Anders like that, but in truth, she didn’t particularly feel like letting the mage touch her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think we just need bathes and some rest, Anders.” she insisted. “I’m sorry we worried you all.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s alright, Hawke,” Aveline assured. “ I’ll take some of my men out to the holding caves to make sure they’re cleared out.” Marian nodded. Isabela left with her since apparently, Fenris and Hawke’s entrance made the Wounded Coast with Aveline a more appealing prospect to the pirate. Maybe she just wanted a chance to kill some slavers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You should still come to the clinic after you’ve rested.” Anders insisted as he left.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If either of us needs it, we’ll come,” Marian said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can come to me...if you’d prefer,” Merrill whispered to her. “I’m not as good as Anders, but all keepers know a little healing magic.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Merrill.” Marian let her friend squeeze her hand before she left with Varric and Sebastian.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so happy you’re okay, mistress,” Orana said. “I’ll go draw a bath and get you some fresh clothes. Do you need food?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A bath first, please.” Marian murmured. Fenris had already made his way over to the decanter by the table. He pulled off the top and gulped it down. She joined him, taking the decanter and downing nearly half of it in one go. It settled warmly in her empty stomach. Fenris opened his mouth several times as he struggled for whatever he needed to say. “We’ll kill him, Fenris.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your involvement with me is the only reason he targeted you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Marian rolled her eyes. She could already see where this spiral would take the elf. “Don’t you dare try and leave me again </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s too late. I’m involved and I’ve my own reasons to want him dead now.” She snapped. She sat the wine back in front of him. “If...if he’s tainted me for you, if you can’t bear to be with me after he’s had me, then I will have to accept that but don’t you dare try to convince yourself anything you’re thinking about doing is to protect me. The damage is done and there is nothing that can undo it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You're not tainted, Marian,” Fenris said quickly. He still didn’t turn to look at her, just stared at the surface of the table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then why haven’t you been able to look at me since we escaped?” She didn’t wait for him to answer. She wanted to go to her room and drown in her bath. She took the wine with her. If Fenris wanted to drink he could venture down into the wine cellar himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Orana made quick work of setting up the bath. The maid was really efficient. She should be paid more than what she was. Marian made a note to give her raise soon, but those were matters for the future. “I’ll bathe alone, Orana. Thank you.” She waited until the girl was gone before she stripped out of Fenris’ tunic. She looked herself over in the mirror. It could be worse, she supposed. The swim had washed away the blood and all the other disgusting things she didn’t want to think about off her thighs. Her body was riddled with finger-shaped bruises. They engulfed her hips, her thighs, even her neck had the early stages of bruises. There were bite marks on her breasts, some just bruises but a few had broken skin. More on her inner thigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She grabbed a sheet and threw it over the mirror. She didn’t want to catch a glimpse of what he’d done every time she walked by. Then she sinks into her long-awaited bath, decanter held tightly in her hand. She took a long chug, then set it aside to dunk herself under the warm water. She stayed under until her lungs hurt. She took another big swig of wine, then did it again. She repeated the act until the decanter sat empty on the ground beside her bath. She wanted to soak away any fragment of her imprisonment, any lingering smell or </span>
  <em>
    <span>filth</span>
  </em>
  <span> that had clung to her body. She knew that the ocean had done most of the work, but she wanted to feel as clean as she had before. She wanted to feel as clean as she had when she was an eighteen-year-old maid with hardly a care in the world before father fell ill, before the Templars blackmailed her, before Carver and Mother and her sweet Amatia died, before Bethany had caught the blight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her fingers were beginning to prune, but the water stayed warm thanks to one of Sandal’s runes built into the side. She grabbed the sponge and soap off the small table beside the bath, but a knock on her door drew her attention to it before she could start her vigorous scrub. “Marian, may I come in?” Fenris called through the door. He sounded drunker than her, but she had likely spaced out her drinking more than he had.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine.” He opened the door as little as he needed to slip in. He walked over and sat beside the tub. He reached for the sponge in her hand and she let him take it. He was gentler than she would have been, carefully running it over her skin like she would break if he scrubbed harder. “Will you stay here?” she asked as he continued his work.  “I don’t want you alone in that mansion. I don’t want to be alone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll stay,” he promised. “As long as you’ll have me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then you’ll never leave.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Fluctus Fragosus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She awoke most nights with a scream from night terrors of those three days. On the rare night that she didn’t, Fenris did. Neither of them were sleeping well, but she’s happy he stayed in her bed now. At least she could hold him as she cried from the memories.</p>
<p>It remained unspoken amongst their friends what she and Fenris had gone through during their time as Danarius’ prisoners. Marian could tell her companions all had an idea of what was done, but they seemed content to respect their desire to not talk about it.  Anders had made vague comments in his attempts to get them to let him examine them, saying he could give them any kind of potion or poultice they might need. Marian knows she should have taken him up on that. A potion to start her blood early, or a poultice to make sure any nasty disease Danarius might have didn't take hold. That would require admitting what he’d done to her, though.</p>
<p>She and Fenris don't leave the mansion much anymore. Merrill had brought a care package from Lia and her cohorts. She had told them Marian was ill. She and Varric had taken on the day to day work of managing her assets in the alienage, which led to most days being spent wallowing in some level of drunkenness. Her skin was dry and itchy from all the bathes she took now. </p>
<p>"We should begin your reading lessons again." She had suggested the idea a few times before, but the disaster of the week always stopped it from happening. Marian felt motivated, though. Dananrius had kept Fenris illiterate. It was another way he'd exerted control over him. She can fix that. She can't fix the nightmares or the marks, or really anything else it seemed, but she could teach him to read.</p>
<p>Fenris mulled the suggestion over as he twirled his glass of wine, watching as it danced along the inside. "I would like that." He finally said. She stood and marched over to the bookshelf and dug out the dusty copy of <em> The Book of Shartan </em>. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>She's in the bath, scrubbing at her skin after another nightmare. The man on top of her had kept changing as he raped her. Ser Galis and Ser Yenel from Lothering, Danarius and his faceless guards, even Knight-Captian Cullen even though the man had made no inappropriate actions towards her. Fenris was seated on the stool next to her and drinking from a bottle of wine. She held out her hand for it. She took a large swing before handing it back.</p>
<p>"Do you think you'll ever be able to fuck me again?" The question had crossed her mind a few times since their failed attempt at another child, but it had plagued her since they'd escaped Danarius. Sex with her had apparently already brought up too many memories, but now he had new, worse ones. </p>
<p>"I don't know." Fenris punctuated his sentence with another drink of wine.</p>
<p>"Do you want to?"</p>
<p>Fenris took another drink and passed it to her. "I desire you, Marian, but...I don't know if I can have that level of intimacy again."</p>
<p>"Especially with me?" He probably can barely look at her without seeing what Danarius had done.</p>
<p>"It would only ever be you that I would want it with," he promised. She took her swig and passed it back to him. "We can try, if it's something you need." </p>
<p>"It doesn't matter if you don't want it, Fen. I don't want you to be in pain." She murmured as she pulled her chin to her knees. She felt like she could happily go the rest of her life without sex, but she still wanted another baby. She wanted to try and build a family with Fenris again. "Do you still want a child with me?"</p>
<p>"I don't know how you can even think about having a child with me. Any child I father, Danarius can claim as his <em> property </em>. Why would you want to risk that?" He demanded. </p>
<p>"Because I won't live in fear of the man, Fenris," she snapped back. "He will not have that power over me."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next time she ventures to the Bone Pit, it's in full armor and with three companions. She doesn’t tell Fenris that she’s going until she’s already done it.  Her heart had been in her throat the entire walk. She barely registered Isabela and Varric’s banter. It had to be done, though. It had been several months since...everything with Danarius, and she knew the longer she was away the more likely the mine had turned into a death trap. </p>
<p>Hubert had once again fallen behind on the maintenance for the safety equipment. He had hemmed and hawed when she had brought it to his attention, but in the end the equipment was repaired and the miners could work in relative safety. </p>
<p>It’s a bit easier to venture out after that. It takes her a few more weeks to fully pick herself back up and get back to her normal routine of being a public menace. Fenris is still hesitant to leave the city, but he does join her on a few misadventures throughout the city. It was unusually quiet in the city these days, though. A calm before the storm, Marian was sure. The Mage Underground is increasingly active with Merideth’s growing control over the city. More apostates than ever. And Kirkwall had always had an abundance of apostates and blood mages. </p>
<p>“Rumor has it you’re in the running for Viscount.” Varric informed her over his tankard of ale. “Should the Knight Commander allow one to be named, of course.”</p>
<p>“Maker, is this city in that bad of shape?” Marian laughed. “Me? Viscount?”</p>
<p>“You’re a pillar of the community, Chuckles.” Varric pointed out. “There are people in hightown that have been there generations and haven’t made as much of a name for themselves.”</p>
<p>Marian hummed and took a gulp of her ale. “Would that make me Aveline’s boss?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>“Apparently I’m being considered as Viscount.” Fenris looked up from his book with a furrowed brow.</p>
<p>“Is Kirkwall’s situation that dire?”</p>
<p>“That’s what I said.” Marian said as she poured herself a glass of wine. “I mean, I guess I’d take it if offered? This city needs someone to run it, I suppose. Probably shouldn’t be me, but I’m better than Merideth.” She sat down beside him.</p>
<p>“It would make you a big target.” Fenris pointed out.</p>
<p>“Aren’t I already?” She pointed out as she drank her wine. She scrunched as the smell of it filled her nostrils. Her stomach churned. She set it aside quickly. “Has this wine gone bad?” </p>
<p>Fenris grabbed her abandoned glass and took a small sip. “It tastes fine to me, Marian.”</p>
<p>She swallowed in an attempt to keep her stomach contents where they were. “I suppose I’ve just had too much tonight.” She stood. “I think I’m going to lay down.”</p>
<p>“You look pale, Marian.” He set his book aside as he stood with her. His hands are warm as he touched her face. She opens her mouth to assure him she’s fine, but instead she vomits on his shoes. </p>
<p>“<em> Fuck </em>, I’m sorry, Fen.” She said quickly as she backed up and covered her mouth. “Orana! Could you bring the mop?”</p>
<p>Fenris grumbled in trevene under his breath and climbed out of his boots with a disgusted look on his face. “I’ll have Bohdan send for Anders.” He declared.</p>
<p>“I’m fine. I just drank that swill at the Hanged Man.” Marian assured. “Ate the food too. Big mistake.”</p>
<p>“You’ve eaten and drank there for years and the only other time you’ve done this is when you tried to outdrink Isabela.” </p>
<p>“I’m fine. I promise.” Marian assured. Fenris gave her a skeptical look. “I’ll see Anders, but there’s no reason to bother him in the middle of the night.” Orana came in with the mop and bucket, putting an end to the debate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She doesn’t see Anders the next day, or the day after. Her stomach is fine for the most part as long as she stayed away from the wine and Darktown in general, which made not seeing Anders even easier after the first incident. She knows she should, but the implications of <em> what </em> was wrong kept her from actually doing it. Her monthly courses had never returned to normal after she’d lost Amatia, but it had been too long without one. She knows what’s wrong deep in her gut and she knows it’s too late to do anything about it. So she pushed it down and ignored it. That is, until she’s covered in the gore and viscera of some carta thugs with Isabela and Merrill in a foundry and she vomited directed into one of the kilns.</p>
<p>“Lose your sea legs during your break, Hawke?” Isabela asked as she gave her a pat on the back. She plopped down on the ground in front of the hot kiln and sighed. </p>
<p>“I think I’m pregnant.” It felt good to admit outloud. She wanted to think it was stress or drinking, but everything was just like it had been with Amatia. Neither Isabela or Merrill say anything for a few moments.</p>
<p>“Is this a <em> ‘congratulations’ </em> or an <em> ‘oh shit’ </em>?” Isabela finally asked.</p>
<p>“Firmly an <em> oh shit </em>.” Marian assured. “If I am, it’s um...it’s not Fenris’. It’s…”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to say it, Hawke.” Isabela said softly. </p>
<p>“I don’t understand-” Merril stopped as her eyes went wide. “Oh. Oh.”</p>
<p>Marian sighed and pushed herself off the ground. “I keep avoiding going to Anders. I guess I thought...if I avoid it, it’s not real.”</p>
<p>“You know the potion only works for the first few months, right?” Isabela pointed. She furrowed her brow and quietly counted. “It might already be too late.”</p>
<p>“It was already too late by time the thought crossed my mind.” Marian confessed with a defeated sigh. “Guess I was kind of hoping...I don’t know. An injury would take care of the problem for me, but of course that only happened with…” <em> the baby I wanted </em> felt cruel to say. She didn’t <em> hate </em> the maybe-child. If anything she hated the Maker for taking her Amatia but not this one. She wished she could switch their places, as terrible as it might be. </p>
<p>“We don’t even know if you are.” Merrill said quickly. “You might just be sick. I can check if you don’t want to see Anders.” </p>
<p>Marian nodded slowly. It was best to face the music now rather than continue putting it off. So they wiped the blood and gore off their armors and returned to Merrill’s where she confirmed the worse. Marian is pretty sure she should cry or scream or feel something, but she really just felt numb.</p>
<p>“There’s one of those midwives in Darktown.” Isabela said. “I saw one once, long time ago. It’s not...too bad.”</p>
<p>“That’s not reassuring, Isabela.” Marian sighed as she fell back against one of mildewy chairs. “I’m hesitant to let anyone in Darktown shove rusty hooks up my vagina.” </p>
<p>“It does sound quite unpleasant.” Merrill agreed. “You could still take the potion, but it might just make things worse.” </p>
<p>Marian picked at a loose thread on the chair. “Would it be like before?” Merrill nodded. Marian sighed. She didn’t want to be pregnant with that <em> disgusting </em> magister’s child, but she also didn’t want to go through what she did with Amatia again. She could see one of the midwives in Darktown, but she’d heard so many stories about women dying or ending up barren after a trip to them. She didn’t want to give up a future child with Fenris to make this problem go away. She could have this child and send it away. She could pay someone else to raise it.</p>
<p>“I need to...think.” She murmured as she stood.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>Anders is half-dressed and mostly asleep when he opened the door to his clinic. “It’s the middle of the night, Hawke, and you don’t look injured.”</p>
<p>“I know, but it’s still an emergency,” Marian said as she pushed past him and into the empty clinic. He shut the door and followed her, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “I’m pregnant. Merrill checked for me. Don’t say anything snarky.” </p>
<p>He sighed. “Do you want me to double-check?”</p>
<p>“You can but I know she’s right.” Marian declared. “It’s pretty far...um…”</p>
<p>“When did it happen? Do you know?” Anders asked as he shrugged into his robes. </p>
<p>It was a struggle to get the words out. “When….Danarius….”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to say anymore, Hawke.” he assured softly. “It’s too far for the potion.”</p>
<p>“I know. I was wondering if...you could do the...other option?” She asked hesitantly. </p>
<p>Anders looked shocked. “I’m not a surgeon, Hawke. I can do a lot, but I don’t have the skills or the equipment to do that.”</p>
<p>“I figured you’d be better than any of your neighbors.” Marian pointed out. </p>
<p>“They aren’t qualified to do it either.” Anders said. “Most of their patients end up here with infections and poisoned blood.”</p>
<p>“I know that’s why…” She sighed in resignation. Anders sat down beside her and rubbed her back as she cupped her face. She let out a broken sob.</p>
<p>“You know I’d do something the Chantry forbids in a heartbeat, Marian, but they’ve made it nearly impossible to do safely.” He said. “Even if I had the skills, it’s hard to get good, clean equipment.”</p>
<p>“And if I died you’d have the Templars banging down your door.” Marain murmured into her hands.</p>
<p>“It’s the you dying that gives me pause, not the templars.” Anders assured. “I’d gladly risk the templars to help you if I could.”</p>
<p>“I know.” She roughly wiped away her tears and stood. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>Anders gave her a sad smile. “I know it’s terrible, Hawke, but promise me you won’t do anything foolish.”</p>
<p>“Everything I’ve ever done is foolish.”</p>
<p>“<em> Hawke </em>.”</p>
<p>“I promise, Anders.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>The end table was littered with empty wine bottles and the stack of books Fenris had slowly been working through. She was pretty sure he was asleep until he peeked at her as she stripped out of her armor. “It seems you had fun tonight.”</p>
<p>“Not really.” She mumbled as she struggled to get her gauntlets off. “On a scale of one to ten, how drunk are you?”</p>
<p>“A three? Perhaps a four.” Fenris murmured as he pushed himself up. “Is something wrong, Marian?”</p>
<p>She sat down on the edge of the bed. Her throat was tightening as she tried to take a breath to steady herself. “I’m sorry. I should have...paid more attention. I should have done something.” She couldn’t look at him, but she felt him move closer on the bed.</p>
<p>“What happened, Marian?” His hand was warm on her back. The tears she had been holding back swelled over. </p>
<p>“I’m pregnant.” Fenris growled a curse under his breath.</p>
<p>“You can end it.”</p>
<p>“No, I can’t. It’s too late.” Marian said. “Unless you want to start glowing and rip it out.” Fenris looked like he was considering it for a moment. </p>
<p>“Are there any other options?” </p>
<p>“I can send it away...after it’s born.” It was the best choice. She thought she might be able to love the child. It was hers too, afterall. She loved her first child, and she so <em> desperately </em> wanted a family. She couldn’t put Fenris through that, though. He would never be able to love it. He’d only ever see Danarius and his abuses. “I’ll find someone I can pay to raise it. If anyone asks we’ll say...I had a stillborn.” Her actual stillborn had never been public knowledge, it might be nice to finally have an excuse for that pain to be known.</p>
<p>“Is that the only option? For you to...have <em> it </em>.” He said it with disgust. </p>
<p>“Like I said, it’s that or…” She made a fisting motion with her hand. “I don’t actually know if that would kill me. It might. But there’s a solid chance that getting surgery in darktown <em> will </em>.” </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Marian.” His voice cracked as he spoke. “This my fault.”</p>
<p>“This is no one’s fault but Danarius’.” Marian corrected firmly. “If you need to...move back to your manor, I understand.” </p>
<p>“Do you want me to leave?” </p>
<p>“Of course not, but I also know it won’t be easy for you to live with me while I’m…” she trailed off. “I love you and I want you to stay, but I don’t want to cause you pain.”</p>
<p>“I told you I would stay as long as you’d have me, Marian. This happened because you would not abandon me. I won’t abandon you with the consequences.” He placed a kiss on her head and pulled her to his chest.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Doloribus de Commutatio</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They don’t talk about it again for weeks. It becomes a druffalo in the room, never brought up but hovering during every interaction. It was easy at first. Beyond the occasional bout of sickness, there are no signs. Even when it quickens about two weeks after it had been confirmed, there is no bump or anything else to show what was going on. The fact that neither she nor Fenris bring it up doesn’t stop everyone from knowing, as it typically goes amongst their friends. Secrets never stayed secrets for long, everyone liked to talk too much. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You really should be taking it easy, Hawke.” Marian thought a greeting before the chastising would be nice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine.” Marian assured as she leaned against Aveline’s desk. “Plus, what would you do without me causing trouble?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Be able to focus on my work for once.” Aveline declared.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That sounds very boring for you.” Marian said. “So who blabbed?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I heard from Varric. Don’t know who told him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well if Varric knows, I suppose everyone does by now.” Marian sighed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s good news, Hawke. I thought you wanted children?” Marian had dreaded that question. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> be good news. If it were Fenris’ child, she’d be telling everyone she met about the pregnancy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not good news, Aveline. It’s not…” She took a deep breath, fighting against her tightening throat. She needed to be able to say it aloud. Her companions at least would need to know why she would send the child away. “It’s Danarius’.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The magister?” Aveline asked, her voice uncharacteristically soft. “Oh, Hawke. Why haven’t you…ended it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Found out too late.” She murmured. “I mean, we both know there are other options but I’m sure I don’t need to tell you about all the risks with that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aveline nodded in understanding. “What are you going to do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pay someone to foster it.” She explained. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How is Fenris?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t tell if he’s handling better than anticipated or just in denial.” Marian confessed. “Suppose time will tell.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Prenatal potions tasted terrible. Marian had asked Anders if there was any way to make them not taste like the floor of the Hanged Man, but it was just how they were. She had to hold her nose and chug them as quickly as she could in order to keep them down. Even then she ended up sitting very still as she tried to fight to keep her stomach contents down for several moments afterwards.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was in that phase of her morning routine when Fenris made his way into the dining room. He went directly to the decant and poured himself a glass of the wine. The smell was strong, too strong really. She had been told smells were stronger during pregnancy, but she felt like she had developed a magical nose. A magical nose that hated wine above all things. “Please keep that over there.” She asked through the hand over her mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is something wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just can’t stand the smell and I’m barely keeping my breakfast down as it is.” Marian gagged but forced it back down. Bile stung at the back of her throat. Fenris looked pensively down at his glass and then downed it in one go. He set it aside and didn’t refill it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is there anything else that is...unsettling to you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mostly just the wine. I’ll let you know if anything comes up.” Marian assured. An awkward silence fell between them. It’s the most that the pregnancy had come up since she had told him. She felt like she should use this moment to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>, to discuss it more, but anything she might have wanted to say was lost. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I should ask you that.” He’s not looking at her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess as okay as I can be.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you tell Varric?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, but Isabela and Merrill know. Anders too, but I trust he’s hopefully not sharing my private health with everyone. Regardless, you know how news travels amongst all of them. One of them had too much to drink and let something slip.” Marian sighed. “Aveline knows too. Sebastian’s the only one I don’t know about for sure, but I’m sure it’ll come up if I ever go into the Chantry again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He knows. He...</span>
  <em>
    <span>congratulated</span>
  </em>
  <span> me.” Fenris began pacing the dining room. “I didn’t know what to say to him. I don’t know what to say about any of it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll have to tell them all the truth.” Fenris made a face. “I don’t want to do it either, but it’ll need to be done eventually.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you decided where it’ll go?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve put out some feelers to find a suitable guardian.” She’d asked Anders to see if anyone involved with the mage underground would be interested, but she wasn’t sure that would work out. It was a lot to ask of people who already put themselves in danger by being or working with apostates even with the financial incentive. “No luck, but there is still time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris nodded. “I will... go to the Hanged Man tonight and correct everyone.” he declared.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have to. I’ll handle it.” Her stomach gave another lurch at the thought of being in the Hanged Man.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You look like you’re going to vomit thinking about it, Marian. Let me do this for you.” Fenris said. He started to leave the room, but turned back and walked over to her. He leaned down and placed perhaps the most awkward kiss on the top of her head ever before leaving without another word.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She supposed that was an improvement from ignoring it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Marian turned sideways and examined her stomach in the mirror. There was firmly a visible bump, and not just what could be mistaken as having had a large meal. She couldn’t decide how she felt about it. Between the unmistakable swell and the soft, fluttery movements she had begun to feel it was almost hyper real. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She dropped her shirt and sat down on the edge of her bed. The nausea wasn’t just pregnancy this time, that much she knew for sure. She took a deep breath and cradled her head as she tried to calm herself. She had never made it this far before. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to enjoy experiencing these firsts, but how could she? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It should be Fenris’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The thought repeated in her mind like a mantra as tried to focus on calming down. It didn’t help. At least she hadn’t needed to brush off any misguided congratulations from her friends since Fenris had talked to them all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Marian?” She hadn’t heard him enter the room. She peeked through her hands at him and watched him walk over to her.  Fenris sat on the bed beside her. He placed a hand on her back and gently rubbed between her shoulders.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m showing.” She offered as an explanation. “I can...</span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> it more now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She could feel how on edge Fenris was. She didn’t need to look at him. “I don’t know what to do, Marian.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wish I could tell you what I needed from you.” She sighed. “I just...I’ve always wanted this and I can’t even enjoy it. Every new thing that happens, everything that should be an exciting milestone is like a new knife in my heart. Everything that happens, I think </span>
  <em>
    <span>I wish it was Fenris’.</span>
  </em>
  <span> But it's not, it’s…” her voice cracked. “When we kill him, I’m going to feed his cock to Fireball for taking that from me. From </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Marian is sleeping worse with each passing week. It's like the larger her stomach grew, the harder it is for her to sleep. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m going to give birth to a monster</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The thought invaded her mind over and over again into the wee hours of the morning. She kept telling herself it was just a child. It wasn’t a monster. Fuck, it was as much a victim as she was. As Fenris was. It didn’t ask to be born into this situation. It didn’t ask for a monster of the highest order as a sire. It didn’t ask for a mother that would pawn it off as soon as it was born. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Maker</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she was a bad mother. Did she even deserve to have another child after this? She should have just seen one of the Darktown midwives. If she ended up barren it was just saving another child from the curse of having her as a mother.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She rolled over for the upteenth time that night as she tried to calm down the swelling tears. She didn’t want to wake up Fenris. It didn’t work, in fact it seemed to make it worse. Her whole body shook with the sobs. She curled up tightly around her pillow and buried her face in it in an effort to quiet herself. She isn’t crying long, or at least she doesn’t think it’s too long, before she feels Fenris’ arms wrap around her waist. His hands rested a bit awkwardly on her the swell of her stomach as he pulled her against his chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shushed her quietly. He kissed her hair and rested his head against hers. He doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t really know if there is anything he could say. Still his touch brought her a modicum of comfort. Enough so that she calmed down after a few moments.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t deserve to be a mother.” She whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That isn’t true, Marian.” Fenris insisted. “You’ve done what was best. You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>doing </span>
  </em>
  <span>what is best. It’s better that...</span>
  <em>
    <span>it</span>
  </em>
  <span> is raised away from the stain of its conception.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How can I send it away and then...what? Move on and have another child?” Marian asked. “What kind of mother does that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Women give up their children to the chantry and have others all the time, Marian. My understanding is that’s where half the recruits come from.” Fenris pointed out. “It doesn’t make you a bad mother. You even worrying about this shows that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Marian sighed and leaned back against him. “Do you hate it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris is quiet for a long time. She worried she had made a mistake asking the question. “I suppose I don’t. I did, when you first told me. I couldn’t imagine anything other than a vile abomination hurting you and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.” He paused again. “I keep thinking about Amatia. She was...so small and fragile. This one is... further now I suppose, but it’s still small and fragile. It can’t hurt you anymore than any other child could.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It felt like weight she didn’t know she was carrying had fallen off. She had felt bad dragging Fenris through all this with her, but she couldn’t stand to do it alone. “I don’t hate it either.” She confessed. He kissed her cheek and pulled her closer. She leaned into his touch and closed her eyes. The child fluttered in her stomach. Fenris stiffened behind her?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What was that?” He asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Were you able to feel that?” she asked as she opened her eyes. Fenris nodded. “It’s just the baby moving. I’ve been feeling it for awhile now. I didn’t think it was far enough for others to feel yet.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Does it hurt?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, not at all.” Marian assured. “At first I thought it was just stomach issues. Now it kind of feels like I’ve got a live fish in my stomach, if that makes sense? I’ve heard they can be painful towards the end, but right now it’s mostly...weird feeling.” Fenris nodded. His hand hovered on her stomach for a few more moments before he moved it to her hip and laid back down beside her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s all progressing quite well.” Anders assured as he fiddled with some medical odds and ends on the table by his examination table. “They’re on the large side it seems, so you might want to prepare for it to come early.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good, I’d rather this be over with as soon as possible.” Marian murmured. “Have you had a chance to look into what I asked?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve been asking around, but with the Templars cracking down so much most people I’ve asked are hesitant to take on a child.” Anders explained. “You might want to consider finding someone in Ferelden.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Marian nodded and sighed. She still occasionally got letters from friends in Lothering, though nowadays it was mostly condolences for her mother and talking about how heroic Bethany was for joining the Wardens. There were a few that had been sympathetic to magic, but she still didn’t think they’d be good sources for a foster for the child. “Thank you for looking, Anders.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wish I could help more.” Anders said as he held out a new batch of the prenatal potions. Marian took them and put them in the pocket of her cloak. “Have you considered keeping it? A full time nursemaid would be cheaper and easier to find.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not sure if I could...handle that. Seeing it every day and all that.” Marian confessed. “Don’t think Fenris could either.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anders rolled his eyes at the mention of him. “Fenris can get-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever you’re about to say, don’t.” Marian ordered. “I love Fenris, and how he feels matters to me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It seems that you’re always taking his feelings into consideration with very little reciprocation from him.” Anders declared.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not true. Just because his ways of supporting me don’t match up with what you think they should be doesn’t mean I don’t feel supported.” Marian insisted. “This is difficult for him. He was hurt and traumatized by this as much as I have been.” She could say more. She could point out that Danarius had abused Fenris for </span>
  <em>
    <span>years</span>
  </em>
  <span> and this whole experience took him back to that when he thought he’d escaped it. He had already felt so much guilt about Amatia’s death and not being able to have another child with her, only for </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> to happen. She couldn’t ask him to spend the rest of his life looking at the reminder of everything that had happened.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The warm water and sweet smelling oils Orana had filled the bath with were doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>wonders</span>
  </em>
  <span> for her back. She leaned back into the water, letting it soak the ends of her hair. Her stomach was so large now that it peaked out of the water. It bothered her a little, but she really couldn’t figure out why beyond that it was yet </span>
  <em>
    <span>another</span>
  </em>
  <span> reminder of what was going on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The bedroom door opened and closed. Marian peeked out her eye at Fenris. There was a bit of blood on his armor and a bruise forming on his cheek. “Isabela cheated the wrong person at cards.” He offered as explanation as he stripped out of his armor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s normally a bit better about getting caught.” Marian mused. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose we all have off days.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you at least win the fight?” She asked as she sat up straighter in the tub.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. The Madam has also banned us from the card games at the Rose.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Probably for the best. Those cards are always uncomfortable...</span>
  <em>
    <span>sticky.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Marian scrunched up her face. “You don’t like going there much anyways.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do enjoy the free wine, though.” Fenris pulled up the stool to the edge of the tub. He reached out and gently rubbed her back. She hummed happy. “How was your appointment?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Marian sighed. “Alright, but there isn’t much luck in finding a foster. Anders says there aren’t many willing to take in a likely mage child with how the templars have been lately.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sebastian has been speaking to me about the chantry’s found children homes.” Fenris said. “He insists they’re good homes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure Sebastian thinks that, but I don’t have the same faith in the chantry he has.” Marian declared. “I’d sooner raise it myself than send it to the chantry.” She said it almost without thinking, but she knew it was true. Fenris’ hand paused on her back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you...thinking about doing that, Marian?” He asked carefully.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She turned to face him, the water slushed onto the tile a bit from her movement. “I don’t know. I guess I’m realizing that my standards for a foster is making it difficult to find someone. I don’t think I’d be good at...raising it myself, but it is my child and I have certain things I want for it. Anders mentioned today it might be a better path to find a nursemaid to take on most of its care.” She swallowed nervously. “What would you think about that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris looked down at his hands. “It’s hard to see you like this, and knowing how it… It would be a constant reminder of what happened if it was around. I can’t say if that’s something I can live with every day, Marian.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded. “I guess I feel the same in a lot of ways.” She carefully stood up out of the tub. Fernis grabbed the towel and held it out to her. “I’m just beginning to worry it might be the best option. I guess plenty of kids grow up with a distant relationship with their parents’, and most of them turn out okay. I mean half the kids in hightown see their parents once a week if they’re lucky, but it also feels wrong to me. I don’t know. There aren’t really any </span>
  <em>
    <span>good </span>
  </em>
  <span>options, I suppose.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If we were to still have another child together later on, it would be clear we favored it.” Fenrnis pointed out. That was a fair point she hadn’t thought about. Her mother had favored the twins, but it wasn’t as bad as </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> situation would be. She never doubted her mother loved her. “I can’t tell you what the right choice is, Marian, but I don’t want to promise anything I can’t give. And I can’t promise I could stand to look at this child. I don’t hate it, I don’t want it to die, but I don’t think I want it around.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you leave if I kept it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It would probably be best if I did.” Fenris confessed. “I don’t know if I could leave you, Marian. After all these years, after everything we have been through, I don’t want to live without you. But if you keep this child, it might be better for all of us - including the child - if I weren’t around.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think it would be better if you weren’t around but...I respect that you feel like that.” Marian murmured as she pulled on her robe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do what you think is best, Marian. This is something you’ll have to live with whatever you decide.” Fenris said. “I will try to support you.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Ciconia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Marian felt like she was going to crack open at the stomach rather than give birth her stomach had grown so large. Fenris or Orana had to be around at almost all times because she couldn’t even get out of the chair without help. She still hadn’t found a foster, and a small, guilty part of her was growing okay with the idea of keeping it around. Maybe she could be some kind of decent mother to it. She knew it would potentially end her relationship with Fenris. The thought made her feel terrible for even considering it. Fenris had done so much for her during this. He had supported her for months even though she knew it was difficult for him, she couldn’t ask him to keep this up for </span>
  <em>
    <span>decades.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It was wrong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think we need to induce you.” Anders declared as he pulled his hand away from her stomach. “I’m worried if we wait for the child to come on it’s own, you won’t be able to deliver it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can it really get so big that happens?” Marian asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anders nodded. “Yes, it can get stuck and there is much I could do if that happened. I’d like to do it by the end of the week. I certainly don’t want to wait longer than that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, that’s terrifying.” Her heart was pounding in her chest. She thought she still had at least a few weeks to try and settle everything. “ I guess let’s just get it over with then. What needs to be done?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll go back to my clinic and make a potion that will start your contractions. From there everything should progress naturally. It might still take a few days, but the potion tends to make things go rather quickly.” Anders explained. “Get as much rest as you can tonight, you’ll need it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do nothing but rest lately.” Marian assured as she held out her hand. “Help me up and I’ll walk you out. I’ll need to let Orana and Bohdan know what’s going on.” Anders took her hand and pulled her up from the bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want a full delivery room, so you’ll want to make your decision on who’s in there with you. I know we already discussed Merrill assisting, so you should keep it to one other person.” Anders explained as they walked down the stairs. “Aveline would be a good choice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’ll be Fenris, just like last time.” Marian assured. Anders made a face in response to that, but didn’t say anything. “Thank you, Anders. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She said as they reached the foyer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris came home from whatever he and Isabela had gotten up to that day just as Orana was setting out dinner. He leaned down and kissed her head. “What did you and Isabela do today?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Trouble with the Carta again, we and Varric took care of it.”  Fenris explained as he sat across from her. “How was your appointment?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anders says he needs to induce labor tomorrow. It’s too big to wait.” She explained. She could see the nervousness flash across Fenris’ face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s sudden.” He murmured. “Will everything be alright?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anders doesn’t seem worried.” Marian assured. She pushed her peas around her plate. “There’s no foster. I haven’t found anyone and we’re out of time now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris nodded slowly.  “Does that mean you’ll keep it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Marian sighed and set her spoon aside. “Would it be wrong if I waited until I saw it? To see if I can...handle it? The choice would be essentially keeping it or giving it to the chantry at this point, and you know how I feel about the chantry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess that is the most reasonable way forward.” Fenris agreed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” She asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This isn’t about me.” He murmured.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, it involves you.” Marian pointed out. “I know you had reservations last time we talked about this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What I said last time still stands, Marian. I don’t know if I can be around it, but I don’t want to leave you.” Fenris pushed his plate away. “I suppose we’ll both have to see how we feel...after.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her second labor is more of a blur than her first. It felt like every moment with Amatia was burned into her mind, but this go around it’s mostly a flashes of feeling and pain. She thinks perhaps it’s because it’s quicker this time. She had anticipated it lasting days, like so many women had warned her of. It had been days with Amatia, and this one was further and larger. It seemed like it should take longer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This time it was only about a day. The contractions come quickly after Anders gives her the induction potion, and her waters break by the afternoon. Fenris stayed with her just like before. She’s grateful to have him by her side. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Maker</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she’s so grateful for him. She vaguely remembered telling him she loved him like a mantra at one point. Why did she always say that at the most inopportune times? Had she </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> said it at an appropriate moment? She should say it more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The baby is born in the wee hours of the morning. He comes into the world with a cry. The sound broke something in her. The pain of not getting that experience with Amatia came back in full force. This wasn’t all a pointless endeavor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had been so scared about how she would feel when she looked at him, but he looked just like Carver. He was all Hawke, all hers. There was nothing of </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> in him, she could feel it deep in her bones. “Hi, Malcolm.” She whispered softly as she brushed the soft, dark hair off his forehead. He looked up at her with bright blue eyes as he calmed in her arms, little tears still pooled in the corners from the trauma of entering the world. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looked over her shoulder at Fenris, but couldn’t read his face.  She could </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> the awkward tension filling the room as everyone awaited his reaction. She felt bad for Merrill and Anders to have to just stand there during what should be a private interaction between them. Though, they had both seen her vagina on two separate occasions now so the boundaries of those relationships were really starting to blur. “He...looks very much like you.” He said quietly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to try and hold him?” she asked tentatively.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris opened and closed his mouth a few times as he searched for the words, before settling on a simple nod. He repositioned himself and let her gently lay the baby in his arms. Fenris was stiff and awkward as he held him. “Malcolm?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My father’s name.” She knew he knew that, she doesn’t know why she felt the need to explain it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a good name.” He murmured. He gently cradled him a little closer to his chest.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re keeping him.” It wasn’t a question, nor was it really a statement of fact. It was just something said into the void of darkness above their bed as Malcolm quietly slumber in his quickly obtained cradle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose I am.” It had been two days since he was born and they hadn’t discussed it. There wasn’t much time to discuss. There was feeding, changing and </span>
  <em>
    <span>sleep</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He shouldn’t know about Danarius.” Fenris declared.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’ll ask about…” She didn’t want to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>father</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He wasn’t a father. “He’ll ask where he came from one day.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll tell him whatever other parents tell their children.” The </span>
  <em>
    <span>we’ll</span>
  </em>
  <span> nearly brought tears to her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A stork?” She asked playfully. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How is a stork involved in childmaking?”  She supposed there wasn’t much of a need for child friendly euphemisms amongst slaves.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They deliver babies to the doorstep of happily married couples.” Marian explained. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We won’t be telling him that.” She laughed and rolled over, resting her head on his chest. He curled his arm around her shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Malcolm is a dream of a child. Marian struggled with breastfeeding the first few weeks, but he handled it like a champion. She eventually gave up and hired a nurse, which freed her up to get back to causing trouble all over Kirkwall. She had been checked out too long, and it was time to be a thorn in Meredith’s side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris had him laid against his chest as he quietly read to him. Malcolm’s eyes were half closed as he hovered between sleep and alertness, but it was clear sleep was winning out. Marian leaned against the frame of the door and watched them for a few moments. The last few months had felt like a dream. She certainly didn’t think this is how any of this would have ended up, but she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Even Bethany’s letter had been less cold when she replied to Marian’s own to announce his birth. She hadn’t mentioned what had led them to this. She had simply written </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fenris and I had a healthy son. Malcolm Hawke</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris stood up from the couch and laid Malcolm in the small cradle they kept in the sitting area. “How was your meeting with Varric?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I part-own a vineyard now.” Marian explained. “Once again, I need to be better about collecting the rents, but you know he’s as soft as me so it’s idle advice.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t lose money, do you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Between my other investments? No. We won’t be going broke anytime soon.” Marian assured. “The Bone Pit is more of a loss than the apartments.”  Fenris stiffened a little at the mention of it, but recovered quickly. Marian walked over to her desk and began to go through the letters. She groaned when she saw one summoning her to the Gallows. “Well, looks like I’ve </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> pissed off Meredith.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It would be a pointless effort to tell you not to involve yourself in the squabbling between them, but you shouldn’t.” Fenris declared.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know why I can’t stand Meredith and her ilk, Fenris.” Marian reminded. She furrowed her brow as she came across one address to him. “Who are you writing to?” she asked as she held it out to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do have a life outside of you, Marian.” His tone was dry but humorous. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought this whole city and everyone in it revolved around me, are you telling me that’s not true?” Marian joked as she continued through her letters. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, it’s quite shocking.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This accursed city is overrun with blood mages.” Fenris growled as he stripped out of his bloody armor. Marian didn’t even bother as she fell back on the bed. She had spent too much time caught up in her own personal issues and everything had gone to shit. She should have been paying more attention. She should have done more to combat Meredith’s stranglehold on the city.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What can you expect after years of Meredith’s control on this city?” she said. “People pushed to the edge will do desperate things.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The average person cannot do what mages do.” Fenris shot back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huon </span>
  <em>
    <span>stabbed</span>
  </em>
  <span> a woman to death. You and I do that on an actual daily basis, no magic required.” Marian said with an eye roll. It was a long day and there was almost no way to avoid this turning into a fight. She had really enjoyed not having this argument the last two years, but it’s only because she wasn’t doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span> to help the mages.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can put our swords down. A mage cannot.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sighed and pushed herself up into a sitting position. “We have never faced anything from a mage as destructive as what we faced with the Qunari, and they literally lock their mages up in </span>
  <em>
    <span>chains</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Would you like that done everywhere? Because that’s the next step for people like Meredith.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s an over exaggeration, Marian.” Fenris declared.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve heard the way she talks. You’ve seen how much </span>
  <em>
    <span>worse</span>
  </em>
  <span> everything has gotten, Fenris. She wants to push the mages to their breaking point and use that as an excuse to restrict them more.” Marian wanted a drink. “Everyone should be free. Mages, elves, humans. Everyone. Part of the downside of freedom is that bad people are free to do bad things, but I think the vast majority of people are… not good, but okay. They just want to survive.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The majority of people can’t do what a mage can, Marian.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yet the vast majority </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Hell, I’d say less mages do harm than average people if you think about the people we deal with on a daily basis. I know you’ve been hurt by magic, Fen. I try to understand that. But Danarius did the things he did and got away with them because he’s a </span>
  <em>
    <span>politically powerful</span>
  </em>
  <span> person, not because he’s a mage. The difference between Tevinter and the rest of Thedas is that they’ve connected political power to magic and we’ve not.” She reached out for his hand. He paused for a moment but let her take it. “You once told me you can’t stand this hatred Danarius and his ilk planted in you. Your distrust of mages is an extension of that, and if you want to move on and recover from it you have to let that go too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> the person to tell me to let go of hatred.” He let her gently tug him towards the bed regardless of his protest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“People choose to be templars, people don’t choose to be mages.” She pulled his hand to her lips and placed a kiss over the tattoo’d knuckles.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Malcolm coo’d and wiggled on his blanket on the floor. Marian puffed up her cheeks and made another face down at him. She made a raspberry noise. He giggled and tried to reach up for her face. She leaned down and repeated the action on his chubby little stomach. He grabbed her hair and tugged. “C’mon, I can’t make it much shorter, bud.” She sighed and carefully detangled his hands. He just laughed at her again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She heard the front door open and close, followed by Bohdan’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hello, Serah Fenris!</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She scooped up Malcolm and carried him out onto the balcony overlooking the foyer. “Hey.” She called down to him. “You got another letter. It’s on the desk.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Marian.” Fenris paused at the desk and grabbed the letter before continuing up the stairs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You ever going to tell me about your mysterious penpal?” She asked as he reached her on the balcony. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris looked at the letter in his hand and sighed. “My sister.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Marian furrowed her brow. It felt like a lifetime ago that everything with Hadriana had happened. She supposed it was in a lot of ways. “You didn’t tell me you’d found her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There was so much going on.” He motioned towards Malcolm in lieu of elaborating. “I didn’t want to put more on you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re allowed to lean on me for things, Fenris.” Marian insisted. She shifted Malcolm’s weight to lean him against her chest. “That’s what partners are for.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris looked taken aback at the label. “I guess you’re right.” He still looked like he was thinking about the </span>
  <em>
    <span>partners</span>
  </em>
  <span> part of the comment. “She’s a tailor, in Minrathous.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Respectable job - it is a job, right?” He nodded. “That’s great, Fenris.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to bring her to Kirkwall.” Fenris explained. “I worry it will draw Danarius back.” Her heart fell into her stomach. She gently stroked Malcolm’s hair and took a few deep breaths.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, if he does show his face, I do believe I have a threat of feeding bits of him to the dog to keep.” Marian knows she hardly sounded as confident as she normally would. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“As satisfying as that thought is, I really don’t think you should be feeding anyone to the dog.” Fireball made a small whine and looked up at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve disappointed her.” Marian reached down with the hand not supporting Malcolm to scratch the mabari’s head. “You just want to eat someone, don’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m taking the baby, Marian.” Fenris declared and gently took Malcolm from her arms. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Felix Vita</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Are you certain it’s her?” Fenris’ irritated voice was the first thing she heard as she walked into the foyer from her meeting with King Alistiar. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“An elf your description on the ship you named.” Aveline’s voice answered as Marian slipped out of her cloak. “And alone, as far as I can tell.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> to know if it’s a trap.” She heard Fenris’ hands hitting the hard table of her sitting room as she hung up her cloak. She walked into the sitting room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did as you asked, Fenris. Now it’s up to you.” Aveline sighed as she stood. “You talk to him, Hawke. I’ve had my fill for the day.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice to see you too, Aveline.” She said as Aveline walked past her to the front door. Fenris growled trevene under his breath. “Maybe it’s just me, but I’d swear you’re upset.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your ability to read people is </span>
  <em>
    <span>astounding</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Marian.” Fenris snapped at her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, I’m pretty sure I didn’t do anything this time.” Marian said as she walked over to him. “It’s been awhile since you’ve been this crabby. What’s going on?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris sighed. “It’s my sister.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Has she come to Kirkwall?” He nodded. “You’re still worried about Danarius?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The more it seems he doesn’t know, the more certain I become he does.” She leaned over the table and placed her hand over his. “Come with me? I don’t want to risk subjecting you to Danarius again if...this is a trap, but I need you there when I meet her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, Fenris. I’ll do whatever you need of me.” Marian promised. “Whenever you wish to go, just let me know and I’ll be with you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They go to the Hanged Man the next day. Marian convinced Fenris to have Varric and Isabela join them, just in case his fears about it being a trap are right. They find Varania sitting alone at one of the tables in the suspiciously empty Hanged Man. She motioned for Isabela and Varric to hang back and give them space.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It really is you.” She barely looked up at him. Marian had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Varania.” Fenris said carefully. “I remember you. We used to play in our master’s courtyard while mother worked. You called me…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leto, that’s your name.” She stood but still didn’t look at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong? Why are you so…?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll give you three guesses.” Marian said. She could see the hurt on Fenris’ face when he realized his fears had come true. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, my little Fenris. Predictable as always.” The old steps of the Hanged Man creaked as Danarius appeared at the top of them. Marian swallowed in an attempt to quell the dread building in her stomach. “And Serah Hawke. It is a...</span>
  <em>
    <span>pleasure</span>
  </em>
  <span> to see you again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You won’t be saying that when I’m letting my mabari eat your corpse.” Marian declared. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry it came to this, Leto.” Varania still can’t meet his eyes even now. It broke her heart to see the dread and hurt on his face. She knew he had feared Danarius would show his face, but he certainly hadn’t thought his own sister would betray him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You led him here.” He snarled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now, now, Fenris. Don’t blame your sister. She only did what any good imperial citizen should.” Danarius chastised as he reached the bottom of the stairs. Marian’s hand went to the hilt of her daggers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I never wanted these filthy markings, Danarius, but I will not let you kill me to get them.” Isabela and Varric moved closer as Danarius’ men spread out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How little you know, my pet.” Danarius laughed. He turned his attention to Marian. “Now, we’d hate a repeat of what happened last time I met your new mistress, wouldn’t we?” Marian feels like she’s going to vomit. She should have convinced Fenris not to do this. Fuck Varania.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fenris doesn’t belong to anyone.” Marian declared through gritted teeth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re more than welcome to come back to Tevinter with him. I’m sure you remember how many uses I have for a woman like you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut your mouth, Danarius.” Fenris snapped, the markings flaring to life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The word is </span>
  <em>
    <span>master</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to feed you to my mabari.” Marian declared as she unsheathed her daggers. She heard Isabela doing the same behind her. The fight is set off by one of Varric’s arrows landing squarely in the helmet of one of Danarius’ guards. Marian quickly takes out the one to her right as Isabela goes for one of the stragglers on the edge of the group.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t an easy fight. The human guards are dispatched rather quickly. She faced worse walking home on the average night these days. The shades and demons were more so, and she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wished</span>
  </em>
  <span> she had brought along Merrill or Anders for some magical support against Danarius, but they made do. They had all become very skilled at taking out demons and shades during all their encounters over the years. And once Danarius let his shields down, he was just a man who bled like any other. Certainly no Arishok.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He fell to the ground, cowering like the pathetic waste of life that he was. Fenris dragged him up like he was nothing - he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> nothing. “You are no longer my master.” And snapped his neck like it was a stem of elfroot. The body hit the ground with a thud. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I had no choice, Leto.” Varania said when Fenris turned his attention to her. Marian felt she could sound at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>a little</span>
  </em>
  <span> remorseful. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop calling me that.” Fenris ordered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He was going to make me his apprentice. I would have been a magister.” Well, that was certainly a shocking revelation. She also doubted Danarius would follow through with it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You sold out your own brother to become a </span>
  <em>
    <span>magister</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Fenris demanded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have no idea what we went through. What I had to do since Mother died. This was my only chance!” It was the most emotion Varania had expressed this entire time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And now you have no chance at all.” Fenris growled as the markings lit up again. Marian was already reaching out to stop him before Varania turned her pleading to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t kill her.” Marian said as she clutched his hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not? She was ready to see me killed or…returned to him.” Marian gently touched his face to make him look at her and not Varania. He flinched a little at the touch. “What is she to me other than one more tool of the magisters?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not worth how you’ll feel after.” She said softly. “Danarius is dead. She’s nothing. No threat to you anymore.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Elf...Fenris. Don’t. It won’t help. Trust me.” Varric agreed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s just go home. Let her live with knowing what she did.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Get out.” Fenris spat at her. Varania took off to the door, but paused before she left.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You said you didn’t ask for this, but that’s not true.” She declared. “You wanted it. You competed for it. When you won you used the boon to have mother and I freed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why are you telling me this?” Fenris asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Freedom was no boon. I look on you now and think you received the better end of the bargain.” Marian saw the way Fenris’ shoulders fell as she said it. They watched Varania leave, and part of Marian wanted to chase after and scream all the shit Fenris had endured at her. To make her feel some iota of </span>
  <em>
    <span>guilt</span>
  </em>
  <span> for the hurt she had just caused him. But she needed to stay with him right now, and it would likely be a wasted effort anyways.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought discovering my past would bring some sense of belonging, but I was wrong.” He said quietly as he looked at Marian. “Magic has tainted that too. There is nothing to reclaim. I am alone.” Well, that hurt quite a bit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have friends, Fenris.” Marian pointed out. “You have...</span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m not great but I’m certainly not chopped liver.” He stared at her for a long moment, in a way she doesn’t think had in a very long time. Certainly not since what happened with Danarius.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You heard what Varania said. I wanted these. I fought for them.” The unspoken </span>
  <em>
    <span>I made all this happen to you</span>
  </em>
  <span> hung between them. “I feel unclean, like this magic is not only etched in my skin but has also stained my soul. And now this.” He looked down at Danarius’ crumpled body. “Let’s go. I need to get out of here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He doesn’t run away from her this time like he had with Hadriana. They leave together and go </span>
  <em>
    <span>home</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris is quiet for days after Danarius’ death. He’s there, around the mansion and in her bed, but he’s somewhere far away. Marian doesn’t quite know what to do for him. He’s uninterested in her, he’s uninterested in Malcolm. She’s worried in truth that Malcolm might turn into some horrid reminder now that Danarius was no longer alive as a focus for his anger. She doesn’t know what she’d do if that were the case.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s in the garden with him. He was getting much better at controlling his limbs, pushing himself up in little infantile push-ups. He’d yet to figure out how to move forward, but she was sure it would be any day now. She’s cleaning Amatia’s grave as he looked around and made happy little baby noises. He was particularly fascinated with a butterfly that was fluttering just out of his reach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The courtyard door opened and closed. “Just put lunch on the blanket, Orana. I’ll get to it in a minute.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m afraid I didn’t bring lunch.” She looked up at Fenris and smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, as good as Orana’s stew is, it’s nicer to hear your voice.” She declared with a smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry that I’ve been distant.” He said as he sat on the blanket beside Malcolm. “Isabela has gotten this wild idea I should become a raider now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She just wants you all to herself at sea.” Marian joked as she dusted the dirt off her hands. “I do hope you’re not planning on leaving me now that you’re free.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If I haven’t before now I don’t think I ever will.” Fenris hummed. “Danarius is dead. I am free. Yet...it doesn’t feel like it should.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Killing doesn’t solve everything, Fenris.” She moved closer and took his hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose you’re right.” He looked down at their hands. “I thought if I didn’t have to run and fight, to constantly worry about him, that I would be able to live like a free man. But how is that? What does it even mean to be a free man? I feel like I have nothing”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have me, and Malcolm.” Marian reminded. “It’s going to take time to adjust. I know it’ll take me time, and my traumas with Danarius run much less deep than yours. But I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris looked down at the baby. “It’s hard to believe he came into our lives from something so dreadful.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I could say the same from you.” Marian pointed out. “You’re my rock, Fen. Always have been. When Bethany didn’t come back from the deep roads, when mother died, The Arishok, Amatia. You’re the reason I’ve gotten through any of the shit I’ve dealt with.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m also the reason half of those things happened to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Half is giving yourself a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> of credit.” Marian joked. “I made my choices. I choose not to negotiate with Danarius because the alternative, getting out of there without you? Leaving you at his mercy? I couldn’t live with that. And I wouldn’t go back and change it. I’d endure it all again knowing I’d be sitting here with you now. I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too, Marian.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We should get married.” It was a sudden, impulsive thing to say, but she meant it. A new start, a new family, just the three of them. Screw Varania. She’d never know what she missed out on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris laughed. “I think I’m supposed to ask that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, my answer is yes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think the chantry would marry us. I’m not Andrastian and you’re...not either?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, technically I am. I got all the blessings and shit as a baby, but screw the chantry.” Marian declared. “If they won’t do it, we’ll let Isabela. I’m pretty sure ship captains can marry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think they need a ship to be a captain.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The ship thing proves to be a moot point when they get married a month later on a ship Isabela </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely</span>
  </em>
  <span> didn’t steal from Kirkwall’s harbor in the aftermath of Anders blowing up the chantry and their battle in the Gallows.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Could you imagine our mother’s face if she knew </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was how her eldest daughter was getting married?” Marian said with a playful smirk to Bethany.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’d probably not be too shocked by the full armor.” Bethany declared as she bounced Malcolm on her hip. “Everything else? You’ve managed to one up her scandal of running off with an apostate.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do love to be dramatic.” Marian laughed. “I’m happy you’re here though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to get an earful from Weishaupt, but it’s all worth it.” Bethany said. “C’mon, Fenris is waiting. Better hurry before Isabela tries to sleep with him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Without me? She’d never be so inconsiderate.” Bethany rolled her eyes and shoo’d her towards the door of the cabin. She followed behind Marian up to the deck of the ship where most of her companions had gathered. Aveline was the only one missing, having stayed back to help Knight-Captain Cullen reign in the city. It was better that Hawke wasn’t there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris was standing beside Isabela, who had somehow acquired the most ridiculous large hat. Bethany took her spot beside Varric but Marian wasn’t really paying attention to her anymore. She was just focused on Fenris as she came to a stop in front of him. She took his hand and held them tightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You both ready for this?” Isabela asked. They nodded. “Alright. Well we are...uh gather here in the...light of the maker?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not how it goes, Isabela.” Sebastian sounded absolutely scandalized.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m the one doing this.” Isabela rolled her eyes. “Do you, Fenris, swear to love and cherish Hawke for the rest of your life?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I swear.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you, Hawke?” Sebastian might be about to have an aneurysm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, well I declare you husband and wife. Time for the bedding ceremony!”  Fenris cupped her face and pulled her down into a kiss.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>***</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their group separates a few weeks after the conflict at the Gallows. Varric and Merrill return to Kirkwall. Bethany goes back to the Wardens, Sebastian to Starkhaven. Isabela dropped she, Fenris and Malcolm in Antiva She’d offered them a position on her crew, but they both declined. They eventually end up in a small cabin on the border with Tevinter, far away from anyone who might recognize the Champion of Kirkwall and her companion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's a peaceful existence for the first time for either of them. Marian started a garden. Malcolm started walking. Fenris takes up slaver hunting. The only real visitors they get are the occasional liberated slave Fenris brings them back with him. Marian feeds them and gives them gold from the stash from her assets that Varric managed, before directing them towards the nearest city. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She came back into the kitchen after getting Malcolm to sleep. Fenris was uncorking a bottle of wine. They didn’t have proper wine glasses anymore, so he just took and sip and passed it to her like they’d done so many times before in his mushroom infested manor. She took her own drink and passed it back. “Are you happy?” she asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t change anything, Marian.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing?” He nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think Malcolm could use a little brother or sister.” She declared. “Rather lonely for a kid out here in the middle of nowhere.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fenris chuckled. “Well, I suppose that is a change I could live with.” He set the wine aside and kissed her. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So that's it. I've had a rather dreadful last few months and a lot of bad shit has happened, and writing this fic has been rather therapeutic for me. I hope others find enjoyment out of it. I wanted to end it on a light note, and as Hawke dies in the fade in my playthroughs, that means after the Gallows.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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